Blood Diner

Synopsis: Two cannibals/health food diner owners are on a wacky quest to restore life to the five million year old goddess Shitaar. Aided by their uncle's brain and penis, the two set about getting the required parts - virgins, assorted body parts from whores, and the ingredients for a "blood buffet". Their adversaries are the police: the chief with a Russian accent, the "player" detective, and the new Yorker with an Australian accent.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Jackie Kong
Production: Lightning Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
88 min

and it isn't even Halloween yet.

What do you make of it, Mark?

Beats me, Chief.

Seems like the work

of pathological weirdos.

Without doubt, your most

understated deduction to date,

my friend, but... but where

are the clues?

Can't say I found any.

I interviewed

the watchman's daughter,

good-looking babe.

She said he didn't have

an enemy in the world.

Damn good thing he didn't.

As it was, his eyeballs

were popped out of his head,

and the rest of his body

was hacked to bits

and strewn about

like some ungodly jigsaw puzzle.

There's gotta be some clues

here somewhere, Chief.

We just gotta

put the pieces together

and see what we've got.

You're right, Mark.

You're always right

and a damn good detective,

too, I might add.

But when

you've been on the force

as long as I have,

you begin to develop

a sixth sense

about the diabolical.

It kind of slinks down


and grabs you by the shorts.

Lately, I've had

this strange premonitive feeling

about some inevitable event

of cataclysmic proportions

which is looming ahead of us.

You need help.

I'm assigning you a new partner,

- a rookie from New York.

- Ohh!

She broke the enema bag

rapist case wide open

posing as a sex surrogate.

You are now anointed disciples

of Sheetar.

If you follow

my instructions carefully,

we will be able to resurrect

the goddess Sheetar

from the dead.

You must be disciplined

and prepare for a mission

far more taxing than anything

you have ever confronted.

What the hell are you

gawking at, you idiots?

Remember the night

I came to see you?

That night, on this mission,

I lost my genitals and my life

because of lack of discipline

with the glee club girls.

I couldn't stop myself

from indulging!

You boys must stay solid!

This is a mission I failed

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"Blood Diner" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 28 Mar. 2020. <>.

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