Blame It on the Bellboy

Synopsis: Messrs Lawton (a hit-man), Horton (expecting some middle-aged dating agency nooky) and Orton (checking out properties for his boss) converge on the Hotel Gabriella in Venice. Linguistic mix-ups by the staff mean each of the trio get wrong instructions for the next day. So Horton meets up with puzzled estate agent Caroline to see what she's offering, Orton attempts to make a gang of hoods an offer they can't refuse on their villa, while Lawton sets off to rub out a lonely-hearts lady from Huddersfield.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Mark Herman
Production: Hollywood Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
78 min

The villa, you dickhead,

what's the villa like?

I've only just got here,

but I do have some particulars.

For Christ's sake, I've got serious

money to offload in two days.

So stop farting around

with frigging pictures.

Look at the thing. I want news.

Call me when you've got news

and not before.

I warned you, this is your last chance

to do something right, asshole.

- [dead line]

- Thank you, sir.

[Italian television]

Oh, yeah.

[menacing voices]

Where is Domino? [spits]

Oh! God...

Good Lord.

[turns off television]


[clears throat]

- Hello. Mr. Orton?

- I'm looking for Miss Caroline Wright.

Yes, I'm Caroline Wright.

I'll come down.

I hadn't realized

you'd be out on an island.

Yes, that's the only drawback but...

I mean, it is a pleasant drawback.

Having your own boat is the answer.

It's a bit of a dream of mine.

My very own speedboat.

It is... Miss Caroline Wright.


- From the agency?

- Yes.

Only I didn't expect you to be quite so...


Thank you, Mr. Orton, but it doesn't

make me any less capable.

No, I don't doubt that.

- And it's Horton, with an H.

- Oh, sorry.

So, anyway, this is the garden.

And as you can see,

it's a lovely view, isn't it?

Would you prefer to start inside?

Right, Melvyn, this is your last chance.

Get it right.

Bang on time.

Maybe I should say, "Dead on time."

Come on. What are you doing?

Don't go soft.

One, two, three.






Umm... it's not for sale?

You are almost funny.

You know that?

Very nearly funny.


Talk to me once more

about house-buying, you little shit,

I'll rip your flabby face off, capisce?

Yes, yes, yes.

If for some strange reason, you want

to keep your face the way she is.

Just tell me.

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Mark Herman

Mark Herman (born 1954) is an English film director and screenwriter best known for writing and directing the 2008 film The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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