Bill Hicks: Revelations Page #2

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Our papers in the States have the same thing.

We sold Iraq "farming equipment",

which Iraq then "converted"...

How do they do this?

"Simsalabim simsalabim aa salabim sim sim sim salabim."

Wow! It was a chicken coop,

it's now a nuclear reactor!"

"This war's for Aladdin."

Farming equipment which they converted into military,

okay, you got me, I'm curious,

exactly what kind of farming equipment is this?

"Oh! okay, well it's stuff

for the farmers of Iraq."

Yeah?

What?

"Ooh...okay...uhh...well... Oh, one of the

things we gave them, just for the farmer,

it was new thing we came up with,

called...uh...the...uh...

flame-throwing rake."

"No, it was for the farmer, see, he would

rake the leaves and then just turn around..."

"But you know what

the Iraqis did with that?"

There's no trees in Iraq, what are you sending them rakes for, you a**hole?

"We could have done our research better, perhaps, yes."

What else did you sell 'em?

"Okay, uhh...one of the other things we gave 'em

is a new thing... for the farmer."

"The, uhh...armored tractor."

"No, farmers when they farm, will look over their shoulders, at times, and they won't see a tree

and they'll hit it, maybe, and there'll be a wasp nest in the tree, and the wasps will come 'n sting 'em."

"So we put four inches of armour

all over the tractor.

And a turret to shoot pesticide on the wasps."

"Yeah, but you know what

the Iraqis did with that?"

"Can't trust 'em."

I'm so sick of arming the world and then

sending troops over to destroy the f***ing arms.

You know what I mean?

We keep arming these little countries

then we go and blow the sh*t out of 'em.

We're like the bullies of the world, you know?

We're like Jack Palance

in the movie "Shane"...

Throwing the pistol

at the sheep herder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't wanna pick it up, mister,

you'll shoot me."

"Pick up the gun".

"Mister, I don't want no trouble,

I just came down town here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife."

"I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about 10 rolls a week of that stuff."

" I ain't looking for no trouble mister."

"Pick up the gun."

"You all saw him. He had a gun."

Kennedy, I love talking about the Kennedy assassination

because to me it's a great example of,

uh, a totalitarian government's ability

to, you know, manage information and thus

keep us in the dark any way they...

Oh sorry wrong meeting... Ah, sh*t.

That's the meeting we're having tomorrow

at the docks.

I love talking about Kennedy.

I was just down in Dallas, Texas.

You know you can go down there and, uh, to Dealey Plaza where Kennedy was assassinated.

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