Bill Page #2

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they slept between two and five pm?

Yeah, mostly. We'd stop fighting

and they'd go and have a lie down

or go and chuck dads at a board.

Hey, where's our drinks?

- Where are our drinks?

- I am the Earl of Croydon.

I fetch drinks for no man.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Here's your tip.

- Oh. "Ha-ha-ha!"

Oh, hilarious.

It's a jesters' convention.

"Ooh, I sailed around the world.

Look at me, everyone. Ooh!"

You're no better than me!

- I do stuff.

- Like what, exactly?

Well, I do... er...

juggling.

Fire eating.

Ah! I'm a prostitu...

No, sir.

Writering.

Writering? Writering.

I am a writer.

- No, you're not, darling.

- How dare you!

I'm the finest writer in all of England!

Are you, now?

Who is it?

Indeed I am, Your Majesty.

Why, how very fortuitous, Lord...

Ooh, I want to say Crawley.

Croydon, Your Majesty.

The Earl of Croydon.

Crawley is down towards Horsham.

Croydon is... um...

Do you know Penge at all?

I don't care.

There is to be a diplomatic summit

with our beloved cousin,

King Philip ll of Spain.

- King Philip ll of Spain.

- Spain.

Sorry.

And what better centrepiece

to this fine event...

than a demonstration

of our great nation's...

utter dominance in the ads?

A play penned by

one of my very own courtiers.

And we shall be most pleased

to hear this play of yours.

Because you know what happens

if we're displeased.

- Sorry, you do know what happens if...

- Yep. Yes, yeah.

Oh, no, that's gone.

Si.

Ooh!

What is the score, Your Majesty?

Juice.

Your Majesty,

there is a messenger here to see you.

From England.

"To His Majesty King Philip ll of Spain."

That's me.

"Queen Elizabeth cordially invites you

to diplomatic talks in London

to discuss the capture of her most

loyal subject, Sir Richard Hawkins."

Actually, I just need to...

I told you she would take the bait.

The rabbit is in the snare.

Your Majesty...

the specialists you requested.

Oh, yes. Talk to me.

Lope Lopez, Your Majesty.

Master of inquisition.

It's for making people talk.

Juan Domingo, Your Majesty.

Espionage. . and weapon-ry.

- Nice.

- Actually, I was aiming for the pillar.

Sweaty hands.

And... where's the other one?

Gabriel Montoya, Your Majesty.

Master of disguise.

If you need a milkmaid, Washerwomen

or female fisherman,

I am your woman - man.

Man.

OK.

We have been presented with a...

- Why are you here again?

- Sorry. Um...

I just need to take food orders

for the banquet.

Just so we've got some rough numbers

on the mains.

Whatever is fine. I don't care.

Er... l can't eat shellfish.

- What?

- Well, prawns are fine.

But... l have to avoid the bivalves.

What... What, what?

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