Big Nothing Page #2

and logged on to an illegal porn site.

Now I figure there's gotta be

somebody in here

willing to fork over some coin

to keep things hush-hush.

- They all look the same

- And yet they're not.

- R-E-V Neville Smalls. What's R-E-V?

- Reverend.

Exactly! It's brilliant, don't you think?

- I don't think I'm criminal material...

- Wait, wait!

We're talking about a man of the cloth

who likes to watch teenagers

take off their clothes

and have god-knows-who

do god-knows-what to them!

Who's the real criminal here?

I tried to do things by the book, the

nine to five. You know where it got me?

My daughter is about to go blind,

Charlie. Blind!

- How much?

- 50 for me, 50 for you. Even hundred.

A hundred?

Thousand?

- Dollars?

- Not much to preserve one's reputation.

- What if somebody gets hurt?

- It's a non-violent enterprise.

No harm done whatsoever. Pretty

much all I need is for you to be my alibi.

- That's all?

- That's all.

OK...

Pick the blue one

and you go back to your old life.

But pick the red one

and you finally get to be a free man.

But, I must warn you, once you eat

the red one... there's no turning back.

Yes! I gotta tell you,

I was a little nervous about going solo.

OK. Rule number one -

preparation is king.

More than anything else,

we wanna rule out the element of...

- Surprise!

- Jeez!

Josie, how long were you sitting there?

Long enough to ask how you'd feel

about bringing in a third.

'Here's the touching story

of how Gus met Josie.'

Er... miss.

- Yes, sir?

- I'm gonna get the cheque.

- Why?

- Does the chef have curly hair?

- No.

- I'm gonna get the cheque.

- You work at the call centre, huh?

- Yeah, how can you tell?

- Well, half the town does.

- Right.

- You have that look the rest of them do.

- What look is that?

That how much longer till I drop dead

so I don't have to go to my stupid job!

- That look.

- Yeah, that would be the one.

- You from here?

- Nope. Oklahoma.

- Oh, Oklahoma. What's that like?

- Nowhere near as sexy as you.

- Ahem!

- I'll get that.

So, care to hear about

our desert special?

Wow! Jeez! You sure are a very

forthright and smart girl, ain't ya?

That's what they said last year when

they crowned me Miss Teen Oklahoma.

- What?

- What?

- Miss Teen Oklahoma? Last year?

- Yeah.

- How old are you?

- 18... more or less.

Is it more or is it less?

Well... less, I guess!

Sh*t!

- What the hell's matter with you?

- You're a child!

Do I look like a child? Huh?

OK... Ah! Is there anything else

you forgot to mention?

- Who are you?

- Charlie Wood, Gus's former co-worker.

Josie McBroom.

Gus and I were an item.

- Ha!

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