Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

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(SINGING) Yeah

It's a classic, baby

I've been all over the world, but you know

Told ya There's nothing I wouldn't do for ya

I hope you don't mind that I show ya

I want the whole world to know ya

'Cause wakin' up here in the mornin'

got me movin' soon as I'm yawnin'

I'm ready to rise and grind and

shine for socializin', enterprisin'

On my mind is glory So somebody tell my story

You people might think that it's

borin' But don't you ignore me

You treated me oh, so well In particular the ATL

And whenever you wanna see me

Hey, it's easy, you can meet me

I'm on Fleet Street, come on

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(ON SPEAKER) FBI! Pull over, now!

You want to go?

No! You will not get your mail till I get to your house.

Don't make me use the PIT maneuver.

I will get to your house when I get to your house!

(SCREAMING)

Get out of the truck.

Put your hands in the air.

What is wrong with you? You

could've stopped back there.

You made me have to chase you, man.

Please, God, let someone be taping this in the bushes.

Just give me what I want. Whoa, whoa.

That's a federal offense, all right?

Only the mailman touches the mail.

You do realize I'm packing, don't you?

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah.

I could pop one in your ass!

Okay. All right, all right. Just relax.

Do I gotta pop one?

Chill-ax. Okay?

I got your mail right here.

Capital One credit card with no

introductory interest rate.

No. No.

Okay. Fair enough.

Steam Clean Carpet Service.

No. Okay, true dat, true dat.

Duke University! Boo-ya!

(LAUGHS)

Come here! Come here!

(SCREAMING) Come here!

Come here! Come here! I'm warning you.

I know it's college decision day,

but you win the crazy parent award!

Thick. Thick, thick.

My boy got in. My boy got in!

Thank you.

Hey!

Don't be surprised when I lose your tax refund!

(TOOTING CAR HORN)

Hey! Trent!

Trent!

You up there?

Whoo! Trent, you're on your way.

(DIALING MOBILE PHONE)

MALE RECEPTIONIST: Desert Retreat.

Hi.

I need to speak to my wife, Sherrie.

I'm sorry, no phone calls allowed.

Yeah, well, I know no phone calls allowed,

but, you see, it's an emergency.

Our son just got accepted...

Sir, your wife is in complete isolation

for the next 72 hours.

Come on. It's a mind-body retreat.

It's not Area 51.

Uh-oh! Please take a soothing breath with me.

No, I will not take a soothing breath with you.

Namaste. But I can come down there

and snatch that ponytail off your head.

Namaste. (MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

(STAMMERS)

(IN SING-SONG) Duke University.

CANETTI:
What? Malcolm?

Speaking.

It's Jason Bourne.

I told you, we don't use code names.

You take all the fun away, Chocolate

Thunder, you know that?

All right. What do you want, Nicky?

The exchange is tonight, 11 :00 p.m.

You got what they want?

Yeah, as long as you got what I want.

And listen, I'm thinking now Bali.

Well, you know, there's no witness

protection program in Bali.

But don't worry, we're gonna take care of you.

All right, then Mexico. But not Cabo!

It's gotten way too touristy.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Chocolate?

(CROWD CHEERING ON PHONE)

Trent! Hey, Malcolm.

Where are you?

I'm, uh... I'm at the library.

Library. Yeah.

But it's noisy.

It's Book Appreciation Day.

But look. Trent, we need to talk, all right?

So, come home soon. We got to talk.

Uh, I'm losing you. All right.

(HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYING)

CROWD:
Yeah!

(RAPPING) I'm a lyrical miracle

ALL:
Hey! Baby!

Quick-witted, better get with it, stay sick with it

They saying I'm a lyrical miracle

Hey! Baby

I'm automatic, a rap fanatic Let me do my thing

This is how I do it Fluid, every time I ride by

I'm so incredible They're forgettable, bye-bye

You know my name If you didn't

hear it, then here it go

I be that lyrical miracle with the witty flow

Looking at that shorty, she's

a cutie What's your name?

Baby, you should call me I can

scoop you and we can hang

Okay, if not, then I ain't twisting your arm

But don't be trying to holler at

me when you're singing along

I'm a lyrical miracle

Hey! Baby

Quick-witted, better get with it, stay sick with it

They saying I'm a lyrical miracle

Hey! Baby

I'm automatic, a rap fanatic Let me do my thing

(MUSIC STOPS)

(CROWD MURMURING IN DISAPPOINTMENT)

Hey, y'all, the Prodi-G's a little parched.

I'll be back for a second set, a'ight?

(CROWD GRUMBLING)

Library? How'd you find me?

The Bureau tracked your phone.

Thank God my dad's an orthodontist.

For real. That's some Nazi Germany shnizzle.

Let's talk, now. Uh-uh.

Scratch and Rembrandt are my family.

Whatever you got to say, you can say in front of them.

(SCOFFS) Oh, family.

Mmm-hmm.

Ah. All right, well, in my family,

we give out ass-whuppins.

And right now, I'm looking at a

lot of fresh, unwhupped ass!

Yeah. A little... (GRUNTS) This little...

You have a great day, Mr. Turner!

Hey, Trent, we love you, but

I ain't with no ass-whuppin'.

Yo, hold it down. Sell some CDs!

Okay.

Why'd you embarrass me like that?

I'm embarrassing you?

Trent, you got a lot to learn.

Come on, Malcolm.

You know, it wouldn't hurt to call

me "Dad" every once in a while.

All right, let's rewind. This should

be a happy day. All right?

Yeah, but I ain't the one who brought the rain.

Some great news came in.

I know. They called me.

Yeah, I'm just like, wait till they hear my new stuff.

Right? I'm talking about fire, man!

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