Big Daddy Page #3

Can you be a tough little guy

until then?

Great.

Do I need to get you a bottle

of formula or something?

What do you eat?

Food.

Yeah? I eat food too.

What? Come on.

You need me to hold your hand?

On Mondays, I go to Central Park

and watch rollerbladers fall down.

- You into that?

- I don't know.

Watch. This guy's humming.

He's going down, he's going down,

he's going!

How old are you, anyways?

Five.

You wear a diaper?

You wipe your own ass then?

You do? Good job. That's cool.

Come on, fall down. Fall down. Yes!

Come on, damn it.

You suck. You suck!

Check this out.

My God!

There's a stick there.

Somebody should move it.

All right now, what way

would you put that on?

This Columbo, he pretends

to be stupid...

...but he's really smart as a tack.

Oh, yeah, he is.

You put the vane on down there

Then this boat comes up

I wipe my own ass.

Me too.

So, Mr. Ass Wiper,

what's this guy's name?

Scuba Steve.

Does he ever take his flippers off?

What if he goes bowling?

They don't make him wear bowling shoes?

He wears flippers?

Really?

I had a doll like that at one time.

But my cat, he bite his head off.

What cat would do that?

You calling me a liar?

Hey, take it easy.

Anyways...

...Jets are playing tonight.

We're gonna go to the Blarney Stone.

Wanna come?

I've got more deliveries.

Maybe you can also finish

the turkey on your lip.

Right there.

Let's crank up the Styx

No music during the game.

- It's halftime. Relax, Mr. Herlihy.

- Goddamn Jets.

What are you doing in here, cutie?

Watching football.

- Who do you want to win?

- The goddamn Jets.

Have fun.

Too bad you don't like girls.

I think you could've had her.

- I'm thirsty.

- You're thirsty?

Are you allowed soda?

I don't know.

My mom always said

soda rots your teeth...

...but you'll lose them

anyway, so rot on.

- Can we get two root beers?

- Sure.

When I graduated law school, we met

here every Monday to watch football.

Who would meet you?

My friends, Vanessa.

Vanessa always rooted against the team

I wanted to win just to bust my chops.

But everybody's so busy with

their crap lately, no one comes.

Like I'm not busy?

Shut up or I'll smack you

through the wall like last Monday.

Last Monday was a fluke.

Bring it on, woman.

Anytime.

He drinks a lot of soda.

I'm telling you, buddy. Vanessa,

she's the one. I can't lose her.

I'm not getting any handsomer.

Every day I get a little bit older

and balder and fatter.

Fatter?

At your age I could eat anything.

Wouldn't gain an ounce.

Now, I have a chocolate shake,

my ass jiggles for a week.

- Enjoy the metabolism while you got it.

- Metalobism?

Good God, it's 2:30 in the morning.

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