Bewitched Page #2

And he's not even the clear star

of his own show.

Jack, screw Uncle Arthur.

Hell, screw ensembles, man.

- I'm being a p*ssy.

- Yes.

If this show tanks, you'll be on

Hollywood Squares for 10 years.

You will also be the mayor

of Pussytown.

I don't wanna be the mayor

of Pussytown.

Get in there and be

the sheriff of Ballsville.

- All right?

- Okay.

- Bring it.

- Okay.

Let's go.

- Stop that.

- Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, guys, where were we?

Couple of big names are available

for Samantha.

- To hell with that.

- Yeah.

I want an unknown in the lead.

All right?

A hot new face that's gonna look good

and set me up.

Because I have worked my ass off

to the bone for too long...

...to build up the brand value

of the name Jack Wyatt!

- This show has one star.

- And I want three trailers.

Nobody in television

has three trailers.

He wants them, you get them.

And I want my own makeup team

in matching jumpsuits.

And a leopard!

I want a pet leopard.

With a diamond-studded collar.

Real diamonds.

- That's enough, Jack.

- And a cake.

A two-story-high cake.

Every Wednesday's Cake Day.

And we're gonna bring it out...

...and we're gonna pretend

it's a surprise.

Because it's Cake Day.

We get it, Jack.

If we have a leopard, we're gonna

have major insurance issues.

We're willing to give

on the leopard.

It's getting hard to breathe.

- Should I be writing this down?

- No.

So this should be fun. Huh? Right?

I used to have the biggest crush on

Elizabeth Montgomery when I was 10.

- We all did.

- The nose. I mean...

It's not gonna be easy finding

a nobody to play Samantha.

Be the sheriff.

Well, Jack Wyatt says

get it done, y'all.

Hey, I'm turning on the sprinklers

in my front yard.

Dimming up.

Dimming down.

Dimming up.

Dimming down.

Wow!

I don't think you quite understand.

This is very confusing.

I put the black cable in the red plug

like they said...

...and the screen is still blue.

I'm here to give you cable.

Oh, thank you, I already have some.

Hello? Don't go away, please.

To heck with all this bunk!

There.

Let's just keep this

between us, Lucinda.

Is your self-esteem low because you

aren't participating in the real world?

Yes, my self-esteem is very low.

Well, let's face it, you need a job.

There's something I have

to tell you, Darrin.

- I'm a witch.

- I'm a witch.

I am a witch.

Good. Good.

Oh, my goodness.

God bless you.

Don't look, but Jack Wyatt

is staring at you.

My heart's pounding,

and I am feeling very weird tingles.

I know. He makes me sick too.

You know him?

Jack Wyatt? The actor?

Where have you been?

- May I join you?

- Sure.

- Hi, I'm Jack Wyatt.

- I know.

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