Bernie Page #2

Synopsis: We meet Bernie Tiede (1958- ), a chubby undertaker, who takes pride in his work. He's a Gospel-singing tenor. In a series of interviews with townspeople, mixed with flashbacks, we follow Bernie: he arrives in Carthage, Texas (pop. 7,000), where old ladies adore him; he befriends a wealthy, mean-spirited widow named Marjorie Nugent; they become companions in both daily routines and expensive vacations. Among those interviewed, only her stockbroker and Danny Buck, the local district attorney, are unsympathetic toward the sunny, sometimes saccharine Bernie. Marjorie changes from sour and alone to happy with Bernie; then she gets possessive. What will sweet Bernie do?
Director(s): Richard Linklater
Production: Millenium Entertainment
  Nominated for 1 Golden Globe. Another 10 wins & 18 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.8
Metacritic:
75
Rotten Tomatoes:
89%
PG-13
Year:
2011
104 min
$5,900,000
Website
1,490 Views


Oh, Iook at that, you`ve

got these partitions.

That`s so nice.

So, you got your associate`s

degree in Mortuary Science at State?

Yes, sir.

PIay any ball over there?

Uh, no no, sir.

I wanted to concentrate on my studies,

as much as I Ioved football and whatnot.

Now here`s our sanctuary.

It`II seat one twenty five.

Look at these green

benches. I Iove them.

Yeah, we changed those.

We had them normal brown for so Iong

and I was a Iittle worried

about this green. I don`t know.

People don`t complain.

I..I don`t either, I

think they`re great.

Oh, I hit the jackpot with that guy.

He`s the most qualified

young man I ever met.

He was excellent at removals,

an artist in the embalming room,

could fix hair like

nobody in the business.

Waited well on the families

in the morning parlor,

could sing like a bird.

He ran a funeral like a professional,

any aspect of the funeral business :

eulogizing, scripture reading,

singing..man, he could do it.

But most of all,

we `re gonna remember

Fred as our friend.

Our..really..close..friend.

? Amazing grace ?

? How sweet the sound ?

? That saved a wretch ?

? Like me ?

I`II walk you to your car.

You poor thing.

This is so hard.

It`s just so hard.

You`re very brave.

Here now.

Oh, honey,

he was a magician.

He made all of us just Iook beautiful.

I mean, he could make your

wrinkles all just go away,

and he would, if, if you had a overbite,

he`d fix it so it wouldn`t

be so sticky outie.

And he would, um.. take a

bouquet of small white roses

and put it in your hand.

I mean, he just made

everybody Iook so beautiful.

Except too bad you were dead.

It seemed Iike no matter

what happened to us,

whether it was car

wrecks or heart attacks

or household poisons, or guns Ieft

Iocked and Ioaded around the house,

or choking on a Iittle piece of meat,

in the end, he always made us Iook good.

Oh, you name the song, he`d sing it.

If country folks came in requesting

an old gospel, he`d sing it.

Or trailer trash came in

requesting Loretta Lynn,

he`d sing that, too.

But as great as Bernie was

at performing a service,

he was even better at sales.

If you pardon my reach, Mrs. Thompson,

this is a memory drawer.

It wasn`t bullshit, he really believed

that all those little

touches were necessary.

He even came up with this idea:

for 1 50 extra..

``Oh, that I had wings Iike a dove,

I would fly away and be at rest.``

At this moment, as the casket

descends into the ground,

we now release a white dove

symbolizing Mr. Callahan`s soul..

passing on to the next world,

to the mystery of the great beyond.

Yes, I agree,

that is a Iot of money

to put down in advance.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Richard Linklater

All Richard Linklater scripts | Richard Linklater Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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