Beerfest Page #2
We must be related through
our grandfather, Johan von Wolfhausen.
Why are you taking him?
Where's he going?
We kind of need to stick close.
- He is of no concern to you.
- But he was just walking us through. He...
You do not speak of Beerfest
outside of Beerfest!
You do not bring outsiders to Beerfest.
But our grandfather
was Johan von Wolf...
Your grandfather
was no von Wolfhausen.
Your grandfather was a thieving
bastard stable boy.
- What did you say?
- Baron Ludwig von Wolfhausen...
...our great-grandfather, the most
legendary brewmeister in all Deutschland.
He perfected the von Wolfhausen
beer recipe.
It was the greatest beer in all the world.
When Ludwig died, your grandfather stole
the only copy of the recipe created.
Hold on a second.
Our grandfather didn't brew beer.
He had this little sausage house
in Colorado. He couldn't...
He could und he did.
He stole our recipe und fled Germany
with his mother...
...a common Bavarian...
What's the English word I'm looking for?
Whore.
Gam Gam a whore?
Obviously there's
a translation problem here.
Hooker. Prostitute. Slut for money.
- Now you're crossing the line.
- No, you are crossing the line! He stole it!
Und now, instead of having Deutschland's
greatest beer, we merely have fourth-best.
Ja, we are not your cousins.
You are the offspring of the bastard son
of some whore!
- Don't call Gam Gam a whore! She's not!
- Punch me! Do it!
Ja, you big tough guy.
Kill me, come on.
Do it now! Kill me.
What are you waiting for?
Typical Americans. This is why
we don't allow you in our Beerfest.
You get a few drinks in you
und you become the Dirty Harry.
You should go back to your strip malls
and drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices.
Und then you can punch each other silly.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Sounds like you guys
fancy yourselves drinkers, huh?
Ja, maybe a little.
I think we just beat the Irish, so...
- Oh, that's good. The champions. What?
- Well, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you pick your best two?
Because you just opened up a can of corn.
Corn.
We are laughing.
We are laughing at you.
- Our best two? You want our best two?
- The corn.
How about our worst two, right?
Hammacher! Schlemmer!
You take the big guy.
I'll get the little one.
You ready, du kleiner Hosenscheier?
Everyone at once.
First team to finish wins. On my word.
- Let's do this.
- Ja, do it.
Hey, boys, why don't you let us
put a nipple on that for you?
Prosit.
Allow me to introduce our grandfather:
Wolfgang von Wolfhausen.
Take a good look...
...for this is a real von Wolfhausen.
Grandpapa.
Oh, sh*t.
So you are the progeny of Johan.
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"Beerfest" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/beerfest_3802>.
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