Bedazzled

brink of suicide.

You get out of here

before I call the police.

Before you call the what?

The police.

You realize that suicide

is a criminal offense.

In less enlightened times

they'd have hung you for it.

Look, exactly what do you want?

I told you.

Seriously, I want to help you.

Unburden yourself. It does you

good to share your problems.

What interest is it to you?

Please go away!

I'm interested in everybody.

Please tell me. What drove

you to this desperate act?

All right, I'll tell you.

I'm miserable.

I've got a boring job, no

money, no prospects...

I haven't got a girlfriend, I can't get to know

anyone, no one wants to get to know me...

and everything is hopeless.

All right? Satisfied?

And if you really want to help me,

you can get me a sock for this pipe.

Oh, yes. They're in the top

left-hand drawer, aren't they?

Yeah.

But suicide, Mr. Moon?

Really, really, really.

That's the last thing you should do.

Don't you think it's

taking the easy way out?

Easy way out?

What's easy about it?

Look. The bleedin' pipe's broken.

Can't even manage to kill myself.

Let's face it, Mr. Moon...

you're a complete failure.

Yes... Oh.

I'll fix that.

You know that million

pounds I mentioned?

Yes?

I wasn't joking.

I could give you that and more.

Everything you've ever seen

in the advertisements...

fast, white convertibles...

blonde women, their hair

trailing in the wind...

wafer-thin after-dinner chocolates.

If you had all that, would

you be any happier?

What are you on about?

Would the words Prince of

Darkness mean anything to you?

Beelzebub? Mephistopheles?

The horned one?

I know. You've escaped

from somewhere.

No, I haven't, Mr. Moon.

I'm the horned one, the devil.

Let me give you my card.

Oh, yes, the devil. Of course.

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