Beach Pillows

1

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER STOPS]

WHAT?

SH*T SUCKER

FORGOT TO LEAVE A KEY.

MAYBE HE'S HOME.

NO, HE'S STILL AT WORK.

I JUST TALKED TO HIM.

REALLY?

YEAH, HE SAID HE LEFT A KEY

UNDER THE MAT.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

CAMPBELL!

- DON'T KICK THE DOOR.

- WATCH OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH! JESUS! F***!

[GRUNTS]

THE TOUCH OF A CHILD MOLESTER,

YOU HAVE.

MY GOD.

REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE HANG OU WITH THIS GUY?

'CAUSE HIS APARTMENT'S

THE TITS.

CAMPBELL!

KIND OF A GAY BEDROOM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON

IN THERE.

[LAUGHS]

OH!

[CHUCKLES]

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?!

[Spooky accent] THIS IS

WHERE I HANG THE HEADS

OF ALL THE SNOWMEN I KILL.

[LAUGHS]

PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?

THAT'S A GOOD

CAMPBELL IMPRESSION.

- HEY.

- THANK YOU.

TILL THE SH*T STAINS

OUR SOCKS.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA LET ME

FORGET THAT, ARE YOU?

MMM.

[SIGHS]

IT'S CLASSIC MORGAN.

[METAL CLATTERS]

WHOO!

OKAY, CAMPBELL.

THIS IS NICE.

YEAH. ALL THIS AFTER HIM

AND HIS BANKER BUDDIES

SODOMIZED THE ECONOMY

INTO SUBMISSION.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

THAT WAS CONSENSUAL, BRO.

- I MEAN, THE MARKET DECIDED.

- [LAUGHS]

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH,

THIS IS INSANE.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK HE HAD

THIS MUCH SCRATCH.

THIS PLACE MUST HAVE COS A FORTUNE.

YEAH, BUT IT PAYS FOR ITSELF

WITH ALL THE P*SSY IT RAKES IN,

MAN.

WELL, ASSUMING YOU PAY

FOR P*SSY.

EVERYBODY PAYS FOR P*SSY,

AND P*SSY'S EXPENSIVE.

VERY TRUE.

[BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO. 3,

SCHERZO" PLAYS]

YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO, MAN?

- AHH.

- ROUND TWO, BABY.

YOU ARE A MADMAN.

DON'T MISS THE BELL

FOR ROUND TWO.

DON'T YOU MISS THAT BELL,

'CAUSE WHEN I'M IN THE CITY,

MORGAN,

I LIKE TO LET MY GOOSE LOOSE.

- I LIKE TO LET MY GOOSE LOOSE.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

- AND SEE WHERE MY GOOSE FLIES.

- I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR GOOSE.

JUST LET IT GO, MAN.

JUST LET YOUR LITTLE GOOSE GO!

I'VE SEEN YOUR GOOSE

TOO MANY TIMES.

[LAUGHS]

WOW. WHAT IS I ABOUT A HARD DAY'S WORK

THAT MAKES:

WHAT YOU DO AFTERWARDS

SO JUST REWARDING, YOU KNOW?

YEAH, YOU KNOW,

HOW WAS WORK TODAY, NICK?

WOW.

MAYBE I WAS ASKING YOU.

MAYBE I WANTED TO KNOW

WHAT THAT FELT LIKE, MAN.

YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYONE'S ALWAYS

THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY,

OKAY?

NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, THOUGH.

I DON'T HAVE A JOB, SO I

SHOULDN'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS.

I SHOULD IN NO WAY FEEL WORRIED

ABOUT IT.

- OH, STOP!

- SH*T, SORRY.

STOP WHAT?

I'M JUST SAYING THE TRUTH.

YOU HAVE A JOB.

I DON'T.

YOU SHOULD FEEL GOOD

ABOUT YOURSELF.

I SHOULDN'T.

THAT'S ONLY FAIR.

I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF,

OKAY?

I'M SORRY, NICK.

I HATE MY JOB.

THIS IS NOT REWARDING.

THIS IS... SAD.

[CHUCKLES]

SO, WE'RE BOTH FAILURES?

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON

WE HUNG OUT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BECAUSE OF

YOUR ROSY DISPOSITION.

IT TURNS OUT IT'S BECAUSE

WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.

- EXACTLY, WE'RE FAILURES.

- MAKES SENSE.

YEAH, WE'RE FAILURES.

I'M GONNA SMOKE A JOINT.

NO, NO, NO.

COME ON.

LET'S WAIT FOR, UH, CAMPBELL

TO GET HERE.

GO F*** YOURSELF, MAN!

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME FEEL SHITTY

ABOUT MY LIFE,

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME

I'M A FAILURE,

AND THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME

SMOKE SOME WEED AND FORGET ABOUT IT?

- GO F*** YOURSELF.

- AWW, WHAT A POOR BABY.

[Baby-talking]

GO AHEAD, SMOKE YOU WEED.

MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

AND SHOULD I MAKE ENOUGH

WEASEL JAM FOR TWO?

[Normal voice] WELL,

I'LL SMOKE SOME IF YOU OFFER.

THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.

FAILURES TOGETHER.

- YO.

- YO?

- YO.

- YO?

I DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF

THE PEOPLE IN THESE PICTURES.

MAYBE YOU HAVE FACE BLINDNESS.

FACE BLINDNESS? NO.

T-T-THESE PHOTOS

AREN'T OF CAMPBELL

OR ANYBODY IN HIS FAMILY.

[LAUGHS]

CAMPBELL LEAVES IN THE GENERIC

PHOTOS HE BUYS WITH THE FRAMES.

IT'S SENSE OF HUMOR, MORG.

I GUESS I DON'T UNDERSTAND

COMEDY.

THAT COUPLED WITH THE FAC THAT HE HAS A REALLY UNSAVORY

FAMILY LIFE.

I GUESS SO.

I MEAN, A LOT YOU CAN LEARN

ABOUT A GUY'S PAS JUST FROM THE PICTURES

IN HIS ROOM, YOU KNOW?

IT'S JUST WEIRD.

THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS RUN OU THE PLAY, BUDDY.

YOU NEVER KNOW:

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

[DOG BARKING]

NICK!

[MUSIC STOPS]

OH, MY GOD!

LISTEN, I THINK WE HAVE

THE WRONG APARTMENT.

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS...

[DOG GROWLING]

AH! AH! AH!

OH, SHE'S CUTE!

WHAT IS SHE, A WESTIE?

[GROANS]

["DEMONS" PLAYS]

FORGOT ALL THE SHI YOU USED TO TALK ABOUT

I CAN'T HEAR YOU ANYMORE

YOU PUT YOUR DEMONS

ON THE WALLS OF US

YOU WASTED TIME:

THAT WASN'T YOURS

IT'S BEEN AWHILE

SINCE I PUT MY HAND OUT

I'VE TAKEN TIME

TO HATE SOME MORE

IT'S HARD TO WATCH YOU MAKE

YOUR OFFERING:

IT'S EVEN HARDER TO IGNORE

- [MUSIC STOPS]

- MORGAN?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO

BE DOING THAT, RIGHT?

GOOD.

'CAUSE THE HAROLD SHIPMEN JUST CAME IN,

SO GET YOUR ASS:

OVER TO THE WAREHOUSE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[SIGHS]

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

["THE BUMP" PLAYS]

I GOT A LUST FOR LIFE

AND A DANGEROUS MIND

IN MY TRAIL OF DUST

WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU'LL FIND?

WELL, I CAN TAKE A TREE

AND TEAR IT FROM ITS ROOTS

IF YOU SEE ME:

- I SUGGEST YOU MOVE

- [SIGHS]

WE'RE FULL-GROWN MEN

THOUGH WE ACT LIKE KIDS

BUT WE'LL FACE THE MUSIC

NEXT TIME WE ROLL IN

ED, CAN YOU ASK THAT GIRL

OVER THERE FOR A CIGARETTE?

WHY?

CIGARETTES ARE COOL.

SO IS THIS BOOK.

JUST GET IT YOURSELF.

I'LL GIVE YOU 10 BUCKS.

YOU CAN GET A WHOLE PACK

FOR 10 BUCKS.

CONSIDERING:

YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION,

THAT WOULD NOT BE

A SOUND INVESTMENT.

[Chuckling] SOUND INVESTMENT.

CHAPTER FOUR...

SOUND INVESTMENTS.

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