Barney Thomson

Synopsis: Barney Thomson, awkward, diffident, Glasgow barber, lives a life of desperate mediocrity and his uninteresting life is about to go from 0 to 60 in five seconds, as he enters the grotesque and comically absurd world of the serial killer.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Robert Carlyle
  4 wins & 5 nominations.
96 min

- then you tell this bunch of...

- Wankers'?

To... to refuse my services?

Is that it'?

Ye cannae have a go

at the customers.

Ah! F*ck this, Wullie.

F*ck this!

What's the point

of me even fucking being here'?

F*ck it!


Never a dull moment, eh'?

The lab results came back, sir.

They' re negative.


What are you

gonna tell the public?

The public can f*ck off.

To date, there have been

five victims

from the Glasgow area

and you haven't been

able to make a connection

between any of them.

You don't

even know where the bodies are,

except the bits the killer

sent to the next of kin.

This case

should be given to someone

with more local knowledge.


exactly are you doing all day?

Late last night...

officers from this station

came into possession

of a valuable

piece of evidence...

the exact nature of which

I am not at liberty to divulge.

So What's this

new piece of evidence, sir'?

Nothing. I lied.

Which is why

I'm in the shape of a frog.

The Superintendent

wants to see you.

Of course he does.

What are you playing at, 127'?

If you walk into

a room backwards,

with your trousers

round your ankles,

don't be surprised

if you get bummed rotten.

And never, never drag the force

in with you.

I'll not have my team


On your say-so!

Is that clear'?

Don't interrupt me.

You've got the whole country

thinking we've just about

got this thing Wrapped up

when, as far as I can see,

in the two months...

two fucking months

you've been on this case...

you've managed to narrow

your list of suspects down to.

"People in the Glasgow area

who've been to the seaside

in the last 12 weeks."

The killer will

think we're onto 'im,

and might make a mistake, sir.

He'd fucking well better.

Fucking McManaman.

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"Barney Thomson" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 23 Feb. 2020. <>.

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