Barely Legal Page #2

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I want to do it.

Do you hear me? I want to do it.

This weekend on our birthday.

Do what?

It, screw.

You know, screwing, boning,

making beast with two backs.

You know, shagging, F***ing!

You do?

Uh, but what about all your

religious stuff,

and, um, what about your sign

from heaven?

- Oh, I got a sign at church.

- Really?

Well, okay, great.

We're all in then.

So we'll have a big pool party,

and we'll do it there, right?

Right.

I'll start making the shopping list.

I wonder what Jake's gonna

get me for my birthday?

Maybe it's a ring.

Or maybe it's like a rescue puppy.

Oh. It'll be like the start

of our new family.

Hey, check it out.

So gross.

Uh, but you better put that away

before sue sees it.

She'll have a heart attack.

Uh, Lexi, your bra, it has no cups.

Yeah. Hence the term cupless bra.

I don't know.

Do you think it's hot enough?

No. I think it's ridiculous.

It's like an oxymoron, like

hairless wig or fingerless gloves...

- Mm, is it hot enough?

- Or nonstick glue.

Or like crotchless panties.

Oh, right.

Thank you for reminding me.

Party favors!

Oh.

Well! That's so wrong.

I know. Horrible. Doesn't vibrate.

It's broken. It's okay, though.

I have another one.

What?

You prefer that?

Well, which is it, Sue,

manual or automatic?

Wait. You mean...

Are you saying...

You've never masturbated?

- No.

- Like no, never?

- No, never.

- Seriously, like never ever?

- No.

- Uh, like never even in your sleep?

Or when you're bored?

Or when you're just anxious?

Like in the morning

to help you wake up?

Or at night to help you fall asleep?

Or when you think about Jake

and my's new puppy?

Yeah. Or when you go to visit.

Your dead brother's grave?

Or when you witness a murder?

Or when you put on lipstick

and it gets on your teeth?

Or when you start going sky diving?

Or when you max out all

your credit cards?

Or when you play jigsaw

with your grandmother?

- Or just because?

- Because you're really f***ing horny?

No, never.

Like never, ever, ever, ever, ever.

- But seriously, never?

- Never.

Look, can we just drop it?

We have a whole house to decorate.

Yeah, okay.

I just still can't get over it.

- Hey, Frank.

- Oh. Hi, Sue.

Guys, we didn't invite frank

to the party.

I don't know.

Do you think he'd even have fun?

Yeah. He's blind.

Blind people can do everything

regular people can do.

He's not waving back.

Frank. Hey. Um, I was wondering.

Well, the house looks done.

Tomorrow's the big day.

We finally turn 18.

And finally lose our virginity.

Well, we better get our beauty sleep,

because the party starts tomorrow

at 2:
00.

So, okay, we know who Cheryl's

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