Barbershop Page #2

- Like that.

- Let me take my jacket off.

- What are you doing?

- Helping you get your jacket off, baby.

Who is she?!

I don't know.

I'll make you remember. I can't believe

you got somebody here! Where you goin'?

- Nowhere.

- Get up. Get up.

Cover your face, girl.

How can I help you today?

OK. I want a grande, triple, nonfat,

half decaf, soya milk,

French-roast caramel cappuccino.

OK? Now, with just a splash,

just a splash, of hazelnut.

Orange extract.

With the extra foam in a separate cup.

I'll spoon it on myself

cos y'all never get it right.

You understand? Thank you.

A**hole.

You have to find the guys.

We'll take you inside and get your

information. We'll be right with you.

Then I walked in. Like, pa-dow! Ass so big

it look like two midgets in a sleeping bag.

Tyrone, can we talk about somethin'

other than big fat juicy asses, please?

We could talk about somethin' else.

But why?

When does a woman

just have too much ass?

- Hey, Rick.

- You can never have too much.

Hey, Rick. Yo. School these boys

on your philosophy about ass.

They can't distinguish between a woman

with a big ass and a big-ass woman.

It's mathematics. It's the ratio. A'ight?

If you measure around a woman's waist

and then you measure around that ass,

you come up with

a ratio about three, five.

That means that a 24-inch waist

is gonna yield a 40-inch ass.

- The mathematics is correct.

- That's good, right?

So give me an example. Break it down.

All right.

Jennifer Lopez.

- Right?

- Woman with a big ass.

Now, on the other side,

we got Mother Love.

Big-ass woman.

Good mornin'.

What's up?

- Know who poked that hole in Samir's?

- No.

Sure about that?

Just playing with you, man. Relax.

How you doin'?

What's going on across the street?

They got me on this convenience-store

thing, so somebody gettin' locked up.

- Ricky here?

- No.

He'll be in later. You don't think

he had nothin' to do with that?

Ricky's been keepin' his nose clean

since he's been working here.

Hey, Rick. You come in the back?

Is this chair free? I figured not.

You mind just trimmin' me up a little bit?

Why you come over here?

Why you sweatin' me?

Are you sweating, Richard?

You're a two-time felon.

One more, it's all over for you, brother.

I mean, Calvin went out on a limb

for you with this job.

Why you wanna play him like that?

We got a surveillance tape from

the cheque-cashin' place next door.

By the end of the day,

I will know something.

Do you understand?

- Later, Calvin.

- All right.

I gotta go. I can't hear you. All right.

I love you, boo.

I'll see you later, baby.

What's up, man?

A'ight, then.

- What you singin'?

- What?

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