Band of Robbers Page #3

secrets with others.

If I do, I agree to have my throat

cut and a curse put on my head

and to be set on fire

and never talked about anymore.

I agree that if anybody hurts a member

of the gang, Tom will appoint someone

to kill the person

who did it."

- What about families?

- What do you mean?

If someone in the gang rats, we should,

like, kill someone in their family.

We will definitely do that.

Huck doesn't have any family, so that

doesn't seem like a completely fair trade.

What about that old lady

that you live with?

Sure. Yeah. Sure.

- I'm cool with that.

- We'll just kill her.

- I was gonna say kill her.

- Okay, great. Anyways...

Should I be chosen for the task,

I will not eat or sleep until I kill them

and cut a cross on their chest.

We're gonna use crosses. You see anybody else

doing that, let me know and we'll kill them.

- We'll sue them.

- Uh, churches.

I could only get the Rsum Wizard open,

so I typed it up that way.

But otherwise I think it's good.

If you guys wanna proofread it before you

sign it, I don't give a sh*t. That's fine.

Most of the harsh language inside this

thing I pulled out of pirate books.

I got some out of the Old Testament.

I don't think Jesus would lie.

But in practice we're gonna

be mostly nonviolent.

- We're gonna sign in blood. It's best if you do it...

- Uh, Tom, I don't...

I'm gonna quit now.

I'm quitting preemptively here.

Thought this whole thing was like

Amway or Herbalife or something, man.

Which I'd totally be into.

But, uh... I'm gonna go check on Amy.

All right?

I'm sorry.

Do we have to kill him?

No, he... he's letting us

use the basement.

All right,

who's with me and Huck?

Tom, can I talk to you

out... side?

Yeah. Yeah.

Sure.

See that?

Trojan's Hammer.

Listen, uh...

You know I appreciate you including

me in all of your plans, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

But I think, um...

I gotta go straight.

You know, 'cause...

'cause of jail.

Jail. Jail. Jail?

I can't... I can't go back.

Over my dead body, man.

You're not going back to jail.

I've got the perfect thing

to help you go straight.

It's enough money to buy an island.

It'd be you and me, man.

I'll be president

of the island, or king.

I don't know what the leadership

structure'll be, but you could be my prince.

Or comptroller.

I don't know what the jobs will be.

But we'll be

drinking rum janglers.

I want a real life, Tom.

You know?

I want a family.

I can't end up like my dad.

You got a family. Me.

Us orphans

need to stick together.

Let me give you

the future you want.

That's all I've ever cared about...

us getting the lives we deserve.

Man, if you knew what I knew,

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