Balls of Fury Page #2

What do you want me

to do about it?

What you were born to do.

You see, Randy,

Feng is a Ping-Pong fanatic.

He played for the Chinese

when he was a kid.

Now every five years

he brings the best to him.

A high-stakes tournament,

at a secret location.

Invitation only.

His men go to tournaments

all over the world,

searching for

the best of the best.

You see that gold paddle?

That's the invitation.

You, Randy,

you're our ticket in.

I'm not a spy, man.

Look, you don't have

to do anything

but play Ping-Pong, man.

You go to a few tournaments

and do your stuff.

If you're as good

as you used to be,

I'm sure

you'll get an invitation.

Look, this year Feng's

invited a who's who

of the international

most wanted list.

Randy, something big's

going down.

Here's the thing.

You're bananas.

I do matinee shows.

I get introduced

by a cockatoo.

Mr. Daytona,

you're the only one

who can lead us to Feng.

I've been authorized

to offer you

anything in the government's

power if you help us out.

You don't get it, do you, man?

I don't compete anymore!

Okay?

Maybe I never should have.

(SIGHS WEARILY)

Caucasians.

Hey, Dad. I'm sorry

I haven't been around

in awhile.

And again, I'm sorry about

abbreviating your dates

on the headstone.

(SIGHS IN DESPAIR)

The numbers were, like,

apostrophes were free so...

(SIGHS SOFTLY)

(SIGHS IN DISBELIEF)

Excuse me?

Excuse me!

The new slide's

a little close, isn't it?

What are you gonna do?

They sold the air rights

to the cemetery.

They sold the air rights

to a cemetery?

It's a pretty okay

water slide, though.

It's called Eerie Canals.

I guess it's a theme

that it's haunted. Something.

Look out!

All right. I'm in.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS ADORINGLY)

I love that smell.

Good to be back

on the circuit again, huh?

I meant pancakes.

I love the smell of pancakes.

Okay, you're not here

to have fun.

All right? You're here to win.

Get your head in the game.

What, do you think Feng

is gonna have scouts here?

No, but you got to win here

to get to State.

You are gonna win, right?

I can take these punks.

All right, first up

we have Andy...

(STUTTERING)

Randy Daytona

versus our four-time

Western Conference Champion,

The Hammer.

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

I don't know what the hell

he's talking about.

I'm still trying to figure out

if it's a dude or a chick.

(INHALING)

(EXHALING)

No mercy, Randy.

Have your grandma

pull the car around.

(BELL RINGING)

(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

Can you dig it?

(LAUGHING)

(EXCLAIMNG IN CONCERN)

(EXCLAIMING DELIGHTEDLY)

(MOCKING)

Tastes good.

I told you I was rusty.

I haven't competed

in 19 years.

Why don't you cut me

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