Bad Sugar Page #2

Oh! Oh, they're beautiful! I love...

they're horses, aren't they?

Yes, they're horses.

Yes! Brilliant!

I love horses! It's just I've been

away on the ship,

so I'm not up on

all the current... beasts.

Animals.

Exactly.

But I know I've found someone

who's going to tell me

about every single one.

How wonderful!

You could be the sister I never had!

But you have a sister.

Oh, yes! Daphne!

I forgot all about her for a moment.

Silly me! Maybe it's because

we didn't grow up together.

At 16, Daphne went away

to Los Angeles to become a star.

But due to the scientologists

and growing sick of sucking all that

you-know-what, she got frozen out.

So then she went to Har-vard,

which is American for university,

but she ended up in Baltimore,

living with a monkey.

That's where Daddy and Dr Trennamen

went to get her.

They put her in hospital,

and they cured her with electricity.

Oh!

That's nice!

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is it...

Oh, did Neil play the piano?

Oh, did you drop a piano on him?

Afterwards? To finish him off?

I used to play,

but I can't any more.

There was an accident.

Oh, dear Joan, tell me all about it.

I don't remember exactly what

happened, because I was fast asleep.

Silly old, lazy old me!

But this one time,

I was playing in church

and everyone said I was the best and

I should play for Daddy's birthday.

And I was getting a bit

full of myself.

On the morning of the concert,

I woke up and my fingers were all...

Not right.

And I haven't played since.

That's awful, Joan! You must play!

Yeah. Oh, well, never mind,

cos soon it's my birthday!

And Neil's.

And even though Neil won't be there,

his head will.

Oh!

It's not quite finished.

It's meant to be what Neil would

look like now, if I hadn't...

killed him.

Oh! Lovely!

I mean, it does look...

- quite a lot like Colin Firth.

- Yes!

We don't know what Neil

would look like,

and I like Colin Firth.

I said to the sculptor,

"Why not throw some

Colin Firth in there?!"

Or maybe he would look like

Colin Firth.

Exactly. Maybe he would.

We're going to officially

unveil it on Thursday.

It'll just be us and some wonderful

people from a poisoned boys charity.

I support poisoned boys charities

now a lot.

Oh... poisoned boys are sad,

aren't they?

You know, I think

you should play on Thursday.

For Neil.

No, Daphne's explained. I can't.

If I ever play again,

everybody would laugh.

Do you really think I could?

That's lovely!

Joan... and it'll be

even better by Thursday.

She'll need longer than that!

I don't want to play

if Daphne doesn't like it.

Because Daphne gets

terrible headaches,

and if they get really bad,

she might die.

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