Bad Moms
1
AMY:
I'm Amy Mitchell,and I'm a mom.
I had my first kid
when I was 20 years old,
and I've been
running late ever since.
My days are filled with
dropping the kids at school...
Love you.
...then racing to work
where I have meeting,
after meeting,
after meeting.
I usually end up eating
and I try to work
out once a week.
(SIGHS)
Why do I suck at Zumba?
Most days, I race back to
school for the kids' plays,
and poetry readings
and class projects...
Mom!
...Which I'm always late for.
(MOUTHING) Sorry.
And then
there's PTA meetings,
and volunteering and
parent-teacher conferences.
Jesus, Miss Wiggins
f***in' hates me.
At least once a day, I feel like
the worst mom in the world,
and I cry in my car.
(WAILING)
Then I shuttle the kids to
piano lessons and soccer games
and dance classes
and doctors' appointments,
before my daily trip
to the grocery store.
Ugh.
she's got it all figured out.
But I feel like I'm
screwing up all the time.
Still, I love being a mom.
Here, baby. There's your
organic turkey club sandwich,
and Dylan, here's your peanut-free
peanut butter for lunch.
What's peanut-free
peanut butter?
I have no idea.
Baby, here's your American
history project I made you.
I hope you like it.
I love you.
I love you!
Oh, my God, Mom!
Not so loud! My God.
I love my babies so much!
God, they hate me.
Hey, Amy!
Hey, guys.
God, I just don't
know how you do it.
You just leave
your kids all day
and go to work?
You're so strong.
Yeah, thank you.
Don't you miss them?
I do. But I also
need, like, money.
Right.
STACY:
Hmm.Oh, gosh, you guys, I'm so sorry.
I gotta go.
I'm really late
to work.
Well, you're
always late.
I know. It's basically
the only thing
I'm good at these days.
See you guys later.
God, I just love
how hard she works.
Oh, my God, I love
how hard she works.
I just f***in'
said that, Vicky.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
AMY:
I work ata super-hip coffee company.
I love my job,
but I'm 32 years old and I'm
the oldest person here by far.
Most of these dudes
just play ping-pong all day.
TESSA:
Morning, Momma.AMY:
Morning, Tessa.Oh, my God, I am so f***ing
hungover, I might actually die.
(CHUCKLES)
That's probably something
you shouldn't tell your boss.
Oh.
Right. Except that I took like a
shitload of pills this morning,
so I don't totally
know where I am yet.
You're at work, Tess.
Oh, perfect.
Yeah.
May I have a vacation?
I'd like to go to Cuba.
Is that allowed?
No.
Good morning.
TESSA:
Hey, boss!Good morning, Dale.
I had a dream
last night.
Ooh.
I was naked in a hotel.
I'm talking fully
naked, dick, balls...
Yep, got it.
No glasses. Everything,
fully f***ing naked.
We got it.
I walk over to
the coffee maker
and there is a bag of our
coffee in the hotel room.
Cool dream, Dale.
Thank you, Tessa.
(CHUCKLES)
Um...
Is this your
way of saying that
your coffee to hotels, now?
No. This is my way of
saying that I want you
coffee to hotels now.
But Dale, I'm already running
sales for supermarkets,
airlines and restaurants.
I mean,
I'm just part-time.
You are?
Since when?
Six years ago!
(LAUGHS) What?
No way.
She's here like every day.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES) Oh, I know, but I
have a family and stuff, so...
Hey! You know how important
family is to me.
I got it wrote on
my arm right there.
AMY:
Oh, wow.It's dope, right?
So tight.
Oh, sh*t! I gotta go roller skating.
Do you wanna come?
Yes!
No, Dale!
I have lots
of work to do.
The History Channel
was right.
You guys are the
greatest generation.
AMY:
I live just outsideof Chicago with my two kids,
my dog
and my husband, Mike.
He's a successful
mortgage broker,
but sometimes he
feels like my third child.
Hey, babe.
Hey... Oh! (CHUCKLES)
Look at all the bags you're carrying.
That's hilarious.
You look like a Sherpa.
AMY:
Oh!You guys. Thank you
I appreciate it.
(GROANS)
Here we go, guys.
Thanks, honey.
All right, love.
How was work?
Oh, I had two conference
calls and then I took a nap.
It was exhausting.
I bet. I bet.
Uh...
Dylan, baby, how was
your science quiz?
Oh, I got a D.
A D? But we
worked so hard.
Baby, what happened?
Do you need extra help? Should
we get you another tutor?
Mmm, nah, I'm good.
Mike?
Did you hear? Dylan got a
D on his science quiz.
Way to go, bud.
What? Okay.
Um...
Jane! Oh, my gosh! Wait! How
was your soccer tryouts?
(SIGHS) Coach is posting a list of
who made the team tonight at 9:00,
and I'm so nervous.
Baby, it's okay, relax. You will
make the soccer team, I promise.
Just don't freak out.
(GASPS) I'm freakin' out.
I am, too.
What time is it now?
8:
59.(SIGHS) Come on!
(COMPUTER DINGS)
Oh, it's 9:
00! It's 9:00.Go, go, go! Hit refresh.
Oh, my God. I made the team.
(SQUEALS) I made the team!
Oh, my God.
I am so relieved.
(WHISPERS) Thank you.
Oh, my God.
(GASPS) Baby,
I'm so proud of you!
Oh, I'm so excited.
Oh, my God.
This is gonna look so awesome
on my college applications.
Baby, it's great,
it's great,
but just remember you're
only 12, so it's...
Wait.
What if I don't play?
What if I'm a loser
benchwarmer scrub?
You're great, you're
gonna be fine, you're...
No! It's not fine, Mom.
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"Bad Moms" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bad_moms_3461>.
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