Bad Johnson Page #2

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- I'm gonna grab my insurance.

- Wait.

What's a good exercise for, right here?

Um. You know. Like uh, hip whatevers.

What about, squats?

Sure yea. Those too.

Ever been blown in a luxury SUV?

Not recently.

- Baby!

- Oh. Oh! Wow.

What took you so long?

I got in an accident.

- Oh my God. Are you okay?

- I mean I'm fine.

I'm fine. I mean it was just a fender bender.

And it won't happen again.

- It won't happen again?

- Well

Nothing. Nothing. No no no.

Let's eat. Yea? Yea?

We can eat after.

- Well but I mean I'm really hungry today.

- I know, so am I.

Dinner can wait. I can't.

Oh but please. Don't. Do.

That. [Zipper Unzips]

- Why are there teeth marks on your dick?

- What?

There are teeth marks on your dick.

- What. I. Um.

- Did someone give you a blow job?

Not that I can recall.

Then why are there teeth marks on your dick?

I hit that car pretty hard.

Who's hair is this?

You know what? That looks like,

that looks like a pubic hair.

Nah your pubes are not that long.

Typically yea. But ya know you get

that rogue pube that grows faster

- Than the others.

- It's not even the same color as your head.

Okay. I mean. Who the hell are ya?

- Like Encyclopedia Brown?

- Yes. And this is the case of the missing blow job.

I did not get a blow job okay?

And I would never

Ever cheat on you. Ever. Ever.

Is this a press on nail?

Well that's not good. Sh*t.

Get out.

- Baby.

- Get out.

- Just come here for a second.

- Touch me and I will chop off your dick.

I mean you don't mean that.

Do you?

Idiot.

Babe.

What the ftt? You have a meat cleaver?

- Who actually owns a meat cleaver?

- Get out. I never, ever

- Wanna see you again.

- Like ever, ever?

Ever.

- Go!

- Okay. Okay. I'm going.

You know, I just want you to know though.

- That I was falling

- Get out!

Oh Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Babe.

Could I get my sandwich back?

Jesus.

Again. Are you f***ing kidding me Rich?

I mean. But it. Look it was not all my fault.

Ok. I mean this chick. She seduced me.

You could've said no.

Nah. I. Ok. Look.

You try to defeat a boner

when you've got a mouth

staring it down.

I mean it's not as easy as you'd think. Okay?

It's really not.

I don't know. Things just haven't been

the same since Kimmy cheated on me.

Now you're blaming her?

Melissa was right.

What are you talkin' about?

Nothin'.

No no no no. F***. tell me what

the f*** you're talkin' about.

This probably isn't the best

time to tell you. But Melissa

She posted some pretty f***ed up

things about you on the internet.

Like what?

You're afraid of ghosts. You

like to fart in the shower.

You're a craving man-child

with an inferiority complex

Who refuses to be held accountable

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