Bachelors Page #2

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come visit you sometime.

Hell yeah.

Sorry to cut this short.

I'd better go

and give my notice.

You guys have fun tonight.

- Congrats again, gorgeous.

- Thanks.

You know what, Aaron?

I was really hoping

that when I told you

I was thinking about leaving

that you would say to me

you would slit your wrists

with a butter knife

or drown yourself in a puddle

or throw yourself in front of

a speeding yellow school bus!

Guess I was wrong.

You are a really

great guy, Aaron.

You need to stop

being so afraid.

Afraid of what?

For some strange reason,

I have an urge to go after her.

But it's getting late,

and I gotta pick up Sean.

Oh, oh!

One second, a**hole!

And quit honking the goddamn

horn in front of my house!

You knew I was coming,

motherf***er! Hurry up!

Sean and I have always had

a great relationship.

We've been best friends

since the fourth grade

when I used to get shaken down

for my milk money

by Biff Bartowski.

Sean used to get

shaken down by Biff, too,

so we decided to join forces...

and get shaken down together.

Even then, we made a great team.

Finally, when our balls

got a little bigger,

we beat the sh*t

out of Biff Bartowski.

We've been best buds ever since,

all through elementary school,

high school,

college roommates,

joined at the f***in' hip.

Most of all, we were into girls.

Lots and lots and lots

and lots of girls.

Sean and I always

worked as a team.

Sean's an engineer.

Although his job isn't

quite as sexy as mine,

he's good at what he does.

Very good at what he does.

Sean and I vowed

to never, ever settle down.

Unfortunately,

the rest of the fellas

were dropping like flies.

I swear, every month

I got another invite

for another guy's wedding.

It was like getting

their obituary.

And after our friends

were married,

they were never the same.

It was like they were suffering

from post-traumatic

stress disorder.

Sean and I were gonna

live the fun life.

We gonna love them ho's!

Forever.

Ah!

Until one night...

Sean met Irene.

Sean took Irene to dinner,

kept her laughing,

blah, blah, blah.

But the idiot forgot

his wallet and cell phone.

Turns out Irene only had

seven bucks herself.

To make a long story short,

Irene washed and Sean dried.

She must've really liked Sean

because she

went out with him again.

And again and again and again.

Sean had fallen in love.

I'm not a hater,

but I'd be lying if I said

I wasn't a little...

disappointed.

What?

Now come the bad times.

About six months ago...

God, I don't even

wanna say it...

Sean proposed to Irene.

Of course she said yes.

Believe me, I tried to talk

some sense into him,

but Sean being Sean

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