As Good as It Gets Page #4

MOTHER:

Isn't that sweet.

CAROL:

Little blonde angle.

(to child,

affectionately)

Eat everything.

Melvin enters and moves past several empty tables to a

table towards the back and is obviously surprised to find

a MAN and WOMAN sitting at the table.

WOMAN:

It just came out of me. I said

you love me the way a remote

control loves a TV. As long as I

switch every time...

HER MALE COMPANION

Wonderful.

MELVIN:

People who talk in metaphors can

shampoo my crotch.

(on their look)

Eat up.

They turn away -- Melvin walks a few paces to the

waitress station where two waitresses, LISA and CAROL,

are talking.

LISA:

Pay me back next week.

CAROL:

I owe you. I told you today...

them's the rules. Oh, excuse me,

Melvin.

She puts two hands lightly on his waist to move him out

of the way. He gulps at the contact (since no one else

ever touches him) but covers his self-consciousness.

MELVIN:

I'm starving.

CAROL:

(firmly to Lisa)

Will you please take it?

Melvin intentionally moves a step in her path, with

stealth, so that she must touch him again to get him out

of the way...

LISA:

This way you take a cab home so

you have time to get ready for the

date.

CAROL:

"Ready" is not my problem.

She barks a mirthless though hearty laugh. If we could

read Melvin which we can't, we'd see him unsettled by the

date talk. To Carol he is as harmless as furniture.

CAROL:

(to Melvin)

Go sit down. You know you're not

allowed back here... Spencer's

more excited about it than I am...

He says, "Mom, I promise not to

get a fever or couch during your date."

The other WAITRESSES and the SHORT ORDER COOK all go

"awww ."

CAROL:

I know. He's just the best.

MELVIN:

I've got Jews at my table.

CAROL:

It's not your table. It's the

place's table. Behave. This

once, you can sit at someone

else's station.

The two waitresses signal their protests.

CAROL:

Or you can just wait your turn...

Melvin walks back into the restaurant proper... he hangs

near their table... his discomfort builds in this limbo...

then:

MELVIN:

How much more you got to eat?

Your appetite isn't as big as

your noses, is it?

WOMAN:

What?!!

MAN:

(to Woman)

Let's go --

The Woman starts to protest.

MAN:

Let's leave. We're going.

Melvin sits down at the table -- and takes from his

pocket a plastic eating utensil set wrapped and sealed.

As he opens his utensils.

CAROL:

Bryan says he doesn't care how

long you've been coming you ever

act like this again you're barred

for life. I'm gonna miss the

excitement, but I'll handle it.

There is in Carol's attitude toward Melvin some

ingredient of self-satisfaction -- that she is the only

one in the place who can handle him. She starts to clear

the table.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes