As Good as It Gets

Simon, terminally non-confrontational, still finds

himself compelled to turn back toward Melvin.

SIMON:

(directly)

You don't love anything, Mr.

Udall.

Simon closes his door leaving Melvin alone in the

hallway.

MELVIN:

I love throwing your dog down the

garbage chute.

INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT, BATHROOM - NIGHT

Melvin locks and unlocks and locks his door, counting to

five with each lock. He turns the lights quickly on and

off and on five times and makes a straight-line towards

his bathroom where he turns on the hot water and opens

the medicine chest.

INT. MEDICINE CHEST

Scores of neatly stacked Neutrogena soaps. He unwraps

one -- begins to wash -- discards it -- goes through the

process two more times.

INT. SIMON'S APARTMENT, ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT

A group of PARTY GOERS enters -- followed by a HANDYMAN

holding Verdell who looks and finds:

SIMON:

who looks up -- lights up -- and tears up as he moves

quickly toward the group and his dog.

SIMON:

Thank the good Lord... wow... my

honey... where have you been?

PARTY GOER:

(thinking the greeting's

for him)

He always liked me.

As Simon goes past him to take the dog from the

Handyman... JACKIE, Frank's junior partner, barking a

laugh at the Party Goer -- VERDELL BARKING some love. As

the others greet Simon, Jackie directs the group inside.

Jackie lingers, looking on affectionately as Simon picks

some awful, sticky gunk from the dog's body... he puts

Verdell down to reach for his wallet -- the tiny DOG YAPS

in protest.

SIMON:

Just for a second, okay?

The DOG YAPS "no." Simon, delighted, picks him up again.

SIMON:

(kissing him on the mouth)

Look at him... where was little

baby?

HANDYMAN:

(smiling)

In the basement garbage bin eating

diaper shit.

Simon reacts -- then notices the Handyman, tongue in

cheek, trying to suppress his amusement.

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