Army of Darkness Page #2

Halt!

Thank you, generous hosts!

ARTHUR:
Sword boy!

For that arrogance,

I shall see you dead.

(GUN FIRING)

Yeah.

All right, you primitive

screw heads, listen up.

See this?

This is my boom stick!

It's a 12-gauge,

double-barreled Remington.

S-mart's top of the line.

You can find this in the

sporting goods department.

That's right. This sweet baby

was made in Grand Rapids,

Michigan.

Retails for about $109.95.

It's got a walnut stock,

cobalt blue steel

and a hair trigger.

That's right, shop smart.

Shop S-mart. You got that?

WOMAN:
Yes, sir. Right.

WOMAN 2:
Yes, sir.

Now I swear,

the next one of you primates

even touches me...

(YELLING)

(GROWLING)

(BELLOWING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Now, let's talk about

how I get back home.

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

(BURPING)

I prithee to

forgive me, m'lord.

I believed thee

one of Henry's men.

First you wanna kill me,

now you wanna kiss me.

Blow.

(DOOR OPENING)

So what's the deal?

Can you send me back or not?

Only the Necronomicon

has the power.

An unholy book

which we also require.

Within its pages are passages

that can send you back

to your time.

Only you, The Promised One,

can quest for it.

I don't want your book.

I don't want your bullshit.

Just send me back

to my own time.

Pronto, today, chop...

(WATER SPLASHING)

You shall die!

(GRUNTING)

(CACKLING)

You shall never obtain

the Necronomicon!

We shall feast

upon your souls!

It's a trick. Get an ax.

(SCREAMING)

ARTHUR:
Guards, stop it!

MAN:
Catch the witch!

MAN 2:
Death to the witch!

WITCH:
Have some porridge!

My eyes! I'm blind!

Oh, God, I'm blind!

No, don't!

Yo, she-b*tch.

Let's go.

Ya-hoo.

If the Necronomicon fell into

the hands of the Deadites,

all mankind will be

consumed by this evil.

Now will thou quest

for the book?

ASH:
That one.

(BOTH GASP)

Groovy.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

What's the matter?

You raised in a barn?

Shut the door.

Probably was raised in a barn

with all the other primitives.

The wise men say that thou art

The Promised One.

'Tis said that

thou wilt journey for

the book to help us,

and that thou wilt lead

our people against the evil.

The only reason I'm going to

get the book is to get home.

I believe that thou wilt

be leaving in the morning.

Don't touch that, please.

Your primitive intellect

wouldn't understand

alloys and compositions

and things with

molecular structures in the...

What are you doin'

here anyway?

I wanted to say

that all of my,

all of my hopes

and prayers go with you,

and I made this for thee.

Good, I could use

a horse blanket.

Give me some sugar, baby.

ASH:
Come on, boy!

Steady now. Whoa.

What? What is it?

This path will lead you

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