Anything Else Page #2

lt's funny. l was once in a cab...

this was years ago.

And l was pouring my heart out

to the driver

about all the stuff

you were prattling on about...

life, death, the empty universe,

the meaning of existence,

human suffering.

And the cab driver said to me:

''You know, it's like anything else.''

Think about that.

He was a teacher who lived on

Roosevelt lsland. Public school.

Too frightened to quit

and write comedy full-time because,

as he said,

he knew what it was to starve.

''Amphigories''?

''Hebetudinous''?

Meanwhile, l'm on my way

to meet Amanda.

l'll be on time, she'll be late.

She's late, she's disorganized.

lncidentally, that's not our big problem.

She drives me crazy,

but wait till you meet her.

She is adorable.

- Jerry.

- Amanda. Hey.

- Am l late?

- Not if we go by Rocky Mountain time.

Can you pay for the cab?

l forgot my wallet.

Pay for the cab?

Are you getting the picture?

You know, we did say 7:30.

Sorry.

lt was pretty tough to get a reservation.

- What's the matter?

- l'm in a bad mood.

- l can see. Why?

- l did terribly at an audition today.

You always think you did badly.

l felt so confident until l got up to read,

then l completely froze.

Don't obsess.

l'm sure it wasn't that bad.

l'm my own worst enemy.

l could play that part in my sleep.

l know you can.

Just calm down.

We'll go have a good dinner.

We'll have wine, you can relax.

l got to tell you about this character l met.

He's fascinating.

Don't be mad at me, but l ate.

You ate?

l was starving when l got back

from the audition,

so l had a little sliver

of that Sara Lee cheesecake.

Then l had another one.

You know what l'm like when l get started.

Pretty soon, l'd eaten the whole cake.

You ate the whole

Sara Lee cheesecake?

Then l figured, what the hell.

l finished the spaghetti in the refrigerator,

ate that last lobster tail

and heated up a chicken pot pie.

ls there any furniture

left in the house?

l'm so fat, it's disgusting.

How could you eat before dinner?

l'm sorry. l was so angry at myself

for screwing up.

l couldn't help it.

l reserved a corner booth.

lt's okay. You can order and l'll get

a club soda. l'm dieting anyway.

l can't take their best booth

with just one of us eating.

lt's not nice.

- lt's fine.

- No, it's not.

lt's dinner hour.

The restaurant's jam-packed.

How does it look?

Why do you always care

what other people think?

lt's embarrassing

ifjust one of us eats.

Okay. l'll order a meal

and l just won't eat it.

l can't do that.

So order me a steak,

l'll get a doggie bag,

and it'll be my insomnia snack.

What kind of anniversary dinner is that?

''Can l have one dinner, and can you

Rate this script:2.0 / 2 votes