Anjelah Johnson: Not Fancy Page #2

---

in negotiations, right?

Like, "Oh, you want your baby back?

Now you want your baby back.

Give me my iPhone."

"You can keep my wallet.

I'll cancel my credit cards.

I need my phone book contacts."

'Cause I don't know

anybody's phone number by heart.

You guys know people's

phone number by heart?

No, right? Like, I know nobody...

my mom, my husband...

nobody's phone number.

If I'm in an emergency situation

and people are like,

"Hurry, give us your mother's phone number

so we can call her,"

I'd be like, "Okay. It's 'Mom.'"

"Right. What's her phone number?"

"M-O-M."

Let's just hope they don't ask me

for my husband's phone number.

"Hurry, give us

your husband's phone number."

"Okay, it's Pooky Boo Lover Buns."

By the time we landed, I was hyped.

Like, I was ready to fight somebody.

Right? Every time I saw a baby,

I was flinching.

Just, like, punching random strangers

for no reason.

I'd just finished watching Taken.

I think everybody's trying to kidnap me.

We were checking in at the hotel.

The guy at the front desk, he was nice.

He was like, "Welcome.

Would you like some help

with your bags up to your room?"

I was like...

"No, gypsy."

"Hmm, nice try."

Our first stop was Rome, Italy.

It was awesome, you guys.

We went to the Forum,

the Vatican, the Colosseum.

And, like,

this trip really made me realize

that I should have paid attention

in school.

For real, 'cause, like,

all I kept thinking was,

"Man, if I didn't cut class

all throughout high school,

I would probably be having fun right now."

I mean, but it was still cool.

Even if you're not a history buff,

like, it was still pretty amazing.

Like, 'cause I was standing there

in front of the Colosseum,

just really, like, almost emotional,

'cause I'm like,

"Dang, I cannot believe that,

like, right here, years ago,

is where they filmed

the movie, Gladiator."

You know what I'm saying?

Like, Russell Crowe

could've been right here.

Poof!

After that, we took

an 11-hour train ride to Paris.

Let me tell you,

an 11-hour anything is terrible.

To anything, like, even a massage.

Everybody likes a massage.

Go for an hour, maybe two hours.

But 11 hours, your skin gonna fall off.

And, like, I don't know

what I was thinking,

'cause we could've jumped on a plane

and been there

in like five minutes, right?

But in my mind I thought

it was gonna be romantic, right?

I was like,

"Oh, let's take a train to Paris.

It'll be so romantic.

Like, there'll be a caboose in the back

where they're dancing,

wearing flapper dresses,

celebrating 'The War Is Over.'"

It's not like that.

If you've never been

on an overnight train,

let me just paint the picture for you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes