And When Did You Last See Your Father? Page #3

---

- Miss you.

- You too.

He wants you to go through

all the papers.

He thinks I won't understand it.

I'll start tomorrow.

Good luck.

He's got every petrol receipt

since 1949 in there.

And then there's the workshop.

- You seen Sandra much?

- Now and then, yeah.

She's moved into the village.

One of those worker's cottages,

you know?

Divorced.

Why do you ask?

Just curious.

President Kennedy

meanwhile remains incorrigible,

and in a momentous decision, has

ordered an arms blockade of Cuba.

This government, as promised...

Missed a bit.

- You could help.

- Sorry. Busy.

- Oh yeah? Doing what?

- Busy smoking my fag.

- Give us a puff.

- No way.

- Go on.

- No.

- What if your dad finds out?

- He won't.

He will. Your dad's all-seeing.

- Like God.

- Omniscient, you mean?

Aye, omni-whatever.

Besides, it's bad for you,

gives you cancer.

So? We'll all be dead soon, anyway.

- Well, you're a little ray of sunshine.

- It's true.

If the Americans invade Cuba,

there'll be nuclear war by Friday.

Just think... dead.

And me, still a virgin.

Don't push your luck, Morrison.

You're still here then?

You're not running off?

I'm here for a while, Dad.

Yes, smashing. Smashing.

- I don't understand, what's it for?

- It's for sleeping outdoors.

It's like a normal sleeping bag,

but inside, a waterproof sleeve to keep

out the rain and condensation.

It will render the tent obsolete.

- You'll still get condensation inside.

- No, you won't, 'cause it's plastic.

- It's waterproof, see?

- But condensation's on the inside...

We'll find out when we put it

to the test, won't we, clever-clogs?

- I made two, see?

- What for?

One for me, one for you.

- Thought I'd take the car out.

- Oh, the... the...

The headlights don't work,

so make sure you're back before dark.

He was gonna take it into the garage.

Halfords.

What, love?

New headlights.

Halfords will be cheaper.

Herpes is all right.

It's easily sorted with antibiotics.

But gonorrhoea's a bastard.

Lots of the lads had it in the war.

Once you've seen what a dose of

gonorrhoea can do to a lad's tackle...

I've got pictures in books at home

that'd turn your stomach.

If there's another war

would you get called up?

I wouldn't have thought so.

There's not going be another war.

- You keeping an eye out for the police?

- Yes, Dad.

Self abuse, that's the thing

to be wary of.

- Dad, please...

- It seems like good fun, I know,

but it actually weakens the organ

for married life.

- Police car, right behind us, Dad!

- Really? Where?

Just... over there.

Very funny... very smart.

Bloody marvellous, isn't it?

If they drop the bomb on Leeds,

would it get us up here?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes