An American Carol Page #2

assured that my American friends

are in good hands

in the Cuban health care system.

[Malone on bullhorn]

It's time for me to leave

and say goodbye

to all my little brown friends.

And it's off to America.

[Woman] America!

[Man] He's going to America!

[Man 2] He said America!

[People shouting]

- Take me!

- Take me!

I do want to say...

Whoa! Get out! Get out!

[Screaming]

[Malone] So many people wanted

to thank me, they rushed the boat.

These people know how bad

it's gotten in America.

Well, I guess they wanted me to spread

the word about what a paradise Cuba is.

- [Screaming]

- Aah! Off my boat!

Yeah!

[Grandpa] He thought

everybody loved his movies.

- [girl] Did they?

- No!

Nobody loves documentaries.

But people do find them restful.

[Yawning]

[Malone] Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you for that

great New York reception.

But as important as this movie is,

even more important is

the largest peace demonstration

the world has ever known.

This Sunday,

we're gonna abolish July 4th.

[Cheering]

[Girl] Why did he hate Fourth of July?

[Boy] It was America's birthday

party and he wasn't invited.

[Kids] Grandpa, get back to the story!

We're sending packages to soldiers

for the Fourth of July.

They're far from their home,

away from their families.

They shouldn't be. Shouldn't you

be in a tent somewhere, tyin' knots?

Oh, ho, now, this is more like it!

There ya go.

I'll take three chocolate mints,

three fudge...

Oh, merit badges.

What are those for?

Oh. Well, this is for making

a safety display.

This one's for camping,

and this is a good manners badge.

Oh!

For being respectful

to a fat, ignorant,

traitorous sack of sh*t.

[Girl] Grandpa!

- Grandpa!

- [Boy] I heard you!

Oh, what? I didn't say that.

I said, uh...

Fat, ignorant, America-hating traitor.

- You did say that.

- No, I didn't.

[Malone] Ha ha! The spirit is back.

We are on a roll, people.

This rally will be historic.

- Most important since Nixon.

- Nixon?

Total dork president

from around the Civil War.

All the most important

progressive organizations

will be represented. Jane?

So far, People

For The Anti-American Way,

Vegans Against Fur,

Man-boy Love Boat,

Potawamie Casino,

Church of Entitlement,

- and, um...

- And?

And... it's still early.

The rally's Sunday!

Don't worry, we'll get more.

We're not shaving till

they bring the troops home.

- Thank you, boys.

- They're women.

[Malone] Right.

Like all of us.

We have to ban military recruiters

from college campuses. They interfere...

Excuse me.

Oh. Are you here to join

Sailors Against War?

No, uh, I think all sailors

are against war,

but sometimes we have to fight.

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