American Ultra

1

Where do you want to begin?

Dustpan...

Spoon...

Noodles...

Bear...

Frying pan...

Fire. Apollo Ape. "Marry Me."

Where did it all begin?

Okay, it started three days ago.

Ln the town of Liman, West Virginia.

It's where I lived

with my girlfriend, Phoebe.

She is the only good thing

that's ever happened to me.

I honestly cannot even remember

my life before her.

We were the perfect f***ed-up couple.

She was perfect, and I was the f***-up.

And we were really, really happy.

And I wanted to make it forever,

so I saved up for the perfect ring.

And I planned the perfect romantic trip

to surprise her.

And then I f***ed that up, too.

This is the final boarding call

for Flight 1204,

departing for Oahu, Hawaii.

I repeat, this is the final

boarding call for Flight 1204,

departing for Oahu, Hawaii.

Now boarding all rows and all zones.

All passengers should be

onboard at this time.

God damn it, Mike, come on.

All passengers please proceed

to the gate.

I really am sorry, Phoebe.

I really thought I could

beat the panic attacks this time.

It's okay.

- It's not.

- No, it's fine.

No, it's not fine.

This is something

I really wanted to do for you.

Then I ruined it

and now we're going back home.

- You didn't ruin this.

- Yes, I did. It's my fault.

You should be mad at me...

- No.

- Why not?

- You can't help it, Mike...

- Okay. Thanks.

Sh*t.

Jesus.

Are you holding?

No, of course not.

We were going on a plane.

Why would I...

You holding?

Yeah.

Sorry.

- Hi, Phoebe.

- Hey.

- Hi, Mike.

- Hey.

Heard you two were going on vacation.

Hawaii.

Get another one of your

little episodes there, Mike?

You know, Phoebe.

I once had to drive your boy home

'cause he was having one of them

panic attacks up on the freeway,

trying to leave town.

Is there a reason

that you pulled us over?

Hey, easy on the tone, Miss Larson.

I'd hate to have to search this car.

It's getting to the point

where your boyfriend

should start leaving a toothbrush

at the overnight down at the station.

Ain't that right, Mike?

That's right, Sheriff Watts.

Well, just wanted to

welcome you back to town.

I'll get the bags.

Hey, Phoebe, do you want an omelet?

This could be the right moment.

Hey, Mikey?

Is this okay? I think this...

- What the f***!

- Phoebe, no, I'm sorry.

Did you burn your hand?

Just let me do the cooking, okay?

- I will. Sorry.

- Stop apologizing.

Okay.

Apollo Ape...

I got you.

No, what do you think you're doing?

Hey, honey, no,

I just wanted to tell you

I had, like, a really

funny idea for Apollo Ape.

That's cool, what is it?

How the f*** am I supposed to read this?

Hey. Hello there.

You're here late, Lasseter.

You're not my assistant anymore, Petey.

What are you doing down here?

I know, I just miss ya.

Come on, you're not at the big desk

anymore, you can let a few things slide.

Enough, Agent Douglas.

Okay, I'm leaving.

Do you need anything before I...

Lasseter.

The Ultra Program Tough guy is active.

Wiseman asset Howell is the target.

- What?

- He'll be eliminated within 24 hours.

This is American soil,

they can't do that.

We promised to protect him.

Who is it? Yates?

The operation is in progress.

You're being informed as a courtesy.

- Who is this?

- Do not interfere.

Have a nice evening.

So Apollo Ape and Chip

the Brick are, like,

"Hey, what the heck happened?" You know?

And then they find out that Spicy Tomato

was in charge of the resistance.

Okay, but what they didn't find out,

which they'll find out in the next book,

is that Fido Astro is also in on it.

No. Dude.

I know.

I feel so betrayed.

Do you get it? It's because he's man's

best friend, not monkey's best friend.

Of course. I mean, in hindsight

it makes total sense to me.

- It's just that...

- He's a dog.

You should write it down,

I'm telling you.

I don't know, I mean,

I really just like thinking about it

and like talking about it.

Apollo Ape and his adventures.

No, I love when you talk about it.

I think other people would love it, too.

Like, even...

Like, they might love to read it

if you wrote it down, seriously.

Do something really real with it.

You know what skives me out, Pheebs?

What?

That car down there has moved so much.

Like it was built in a factory,

you know, on a production line.

And then it was

like shipped, like, here.

And like, then this guy

drove it all over the place.

Yeah, exactly.

But all that time, like for years,

or really for, like, decades really,

this one tree has been

sitting in this one place

not doing anything until tonight,

when it, like, stopped the car.

- Yeah?

- Okay, so this car is always going.

And that tree is always just,

like, stopping. You know?

Like, it's just been

stopping there for years

until tonight when it met something

that it didn't want to keep going,

and it was just like,

"No. You're stopping, too."

And then this tree that has

never done anything, is f***ing, like...

Like, destroying this beautiful...

Like, really beautiful

and fast-moving thing.

Why? Why are you crying?

Because, Phoebe, like...

Am I that tree?

No.

No.

I think I'm that tree. And I think...

I think you're the car.

And I think I'm stopping you.

- You are not the tree.

- Okay.

I love you.

Phoebe, I really am sorry about Hawaii.

It's okay, honestly.

I totally over-reacted.

I was really upset.

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