American Splendor Page #3

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INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - WINTER - 1975 - DAY

INTERTITLE:
1975

HARVEY sits on a table in his T-shirt and underwear. A

DOCTOR unwraps a tongue depressor.

Harvey’s voice is hoarse, raspy and barely audible. It

sounds like it hurts for him to talk. Yet, he can’t stop

ranting.

HARVEY:

Doc, you gotta help me. My old

lady’s dumping me ‘cause I can’t

talk. She says I’m a social

embarrassment. Now that she’s got

her PhD, she’s some hot sh*t

academic star an’ I’m nuthin’ but a

file clerk with nothin’ ta say an’

no voice ta say it. But me bein’ a

file clerk was fine when I wrote

the damn check for her tuition-DOCTOR

#1

Harvey, stop talking please, and

open wide.

He points the tongue depressor at Harvey’s mouth but he just

keeps on going.

HARVEY:

I just don’t get it ... We were

doin’ okay for a while. Then we

took that stupid belated honeymoon.

I started losin’ my voice on the

plane. Can you believe that... On

the plane, doc?

DOCTOR #1

Bad timing, I guess. Now please

say “Ah,” Mr. Pekar.

8.

HARVEY:

“Ahhh.”

(without missing a beat)

“Ahhh” ruined the trip. I got

crazy, started to worry my voice

would never come back. I mean, my

wife didn’t know me so long before

we got hitched. What if she

totally forgets what I’m like?

Man, it’s torture-

DOCTOR #1

Shhh ....

The Doctor shines a penlight into Harvey’s mouth and looks

around.

DOCTOR #1 (cont’d)

Uh-huh.

He raises an eyebrow. Harvey catches this. Hypochondria

overtakes him.

HARVEY:

(the penlight in his

mouth)

What? Is it bad, doc?

The Doctor removes the penlight.

DOCTOR #1

It’s not good.

Harvey jumps off the table.

HARVEY:

It’s cancer? First I got marital

problems and now yer tellin’ me I

got throat cancer? Omigod ...

DOCTOR #1

Harvey, calm down. It’s not

cancer. You have a nodule on your

vocal chords. Probably from

screaming and yelling too much.

And if you don’t stop talking and

give it a rest, you’re gonna lose

your voice completely.

Relieved, Harvey calms down. He nods, agreeing to be good.

9.

HARVEY:

Whew ... Okay, okay. But fer how

long?

DOCTOR #1

A few months.

HARVEY:

(loudly)

Months!!

Suddenly Harvey’s voice cracks under his effort to raise it.

He sheepishly grabs his throat.

DOCTOR #1

See? More of that and you’ll do

permanent damage. Now go home,

keep your mouth shut, and hopefully

we won’t have to operate.

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