American Pie Presents: The Book of Love Page #2

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Well, one was a black guy,

so he counts as two.

Dana.

- Dana, come on.

- F*** off.

Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, girls.

This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.

I need you to kiss one time, okay?

I don't know.

Come on.

It's gonna be seen by millions of people.

(LAUGHS) Okay.

(BOYS CHEERING)

Okay, we're gonna go again,

but this time,

sneak in some tongue for daddy.

Okay.

(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

That's what I'm talking about, baby!

(BOYS CHEERING)

Stifmeister strikes again!

Dude.

You're gonna love this. Check this out.

Yeah. So?

Watch and learn.

"You're hot.

"Give me your number

and let's get together."

I throw this at a hot girl,

and she's so impressed

that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin

that she wants to hook up with me.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

- I'm gonna go find Dana.

- All right, man.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Watch out. Coming through.

(DANCE SONG PLAYING)

So, I was thinking about what

we were talking about, you know, before.

- Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

- Right. So I was thinking, why wait?

Right? I mean, you might as well,

you know, get it over with.

What? Like, here? At the dance?

Well, there's always the library.

- Yeah, the library.

- I'm kidding.

- Yeah. I know.

- But seriously, after the dance,

I don't know if you...

- What are you doing?

- Looking for my money.

- C-note thing?

- Yeah.

- Lose your money?

- Shut up.

Ooh.

And we're back. What's up, dude?

Where's Heidi?

I don't know.

- She was here a second ago.

- Maybe she went to the bathroom.

- Yeah, maybe.

- Dana's pissed at me.

Dude, you gotta play along

with this whole pledge thing.

Well, that's easy for you to say.

You haven't exactly

broken the seal yet, either.

Dude, I've been getting to third base

on a regular basis.

I can't go back to jacking off now.

Dude, just use your left hand.

It feels completely different.

- I'm gonna go find Heidi.

- I'm gonna go find Dana.

BOY:
(LAUGHS) No! Dude,

you're gonna make me hurl.

Heidi?

LUBE:
No, no, no, no!

Wait.

Dude, yo.

(LAUGHS) Sluts.

(FARTING)

What the hell?

(LUBE GRUNTS)

Relax, dude.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Get off me, you freak!

Hey, a hundred bucks!

What are you doing?

Rob? You said...

Rob!

(EXCLAIMS)

Dude, nice cock block.

(SHRIEKS)

I'm on fire.

- I'm on fire.

- Oh, my God.

There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me.

Oh, my God.

HEIDl:
Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off

your pants! Take off... Take your pants off!

Oh, God!

(SHRIEKS) Come on!

(SHRIEKS)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Hurry, Rob, come on.

Get it out! Get it out!

(FIRE ALARM RINGING)

(SHRIEKS)

Oh, God.

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