American Pie Presents: Beta House Page #2

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I've had a subscription for, like, a year.

That'll be good.

That's not a cologne ad.

I've used that exact issue

more times than I can count.

(COOZE EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)

(SNlFFlNG)

You smell pretty.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

-Sorry.

-That was so uncalled for.

-Wow.

-ls this Erik Stifler's room?

Yeah.

Welcome to college, boys.

Yeah. No, I wouldn't lie to you.

I'm dead serious.

Most sororities won't even give you a bid

unless you've had a threesome.

It shows that you work well

within the group dynamic,

and that you're really prepared

for sisterhood.

You know what I'm saying?

-Really?

-Yeah.

Oh, man. Who is this guy?

Dude, he's the reason we came

to college here.

-You like that?

-That was awesome.

You have to give a little bit back

every now and then.

-Hey, hey, shower buddy!

-Oh, hey. Hi.

Shower buddy?

Yeah, Erik and I met

when I was showering this afternoon.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Oh, right, the coed bathrooms. Yeah.

It took me about three years

to get the board of trustees

to approve that one. Worth it.

Oh, Ashley, hi. This...

Everyone, this is Ashley.

Ashley, this is everyone.

ASHLEY:
Hi, everybody.

This is my roommate, Denise.

She just came here from Georgia.

Hey, y'all.

Well, I do declare, a real life Scarlett O'Hara.

(GlGGLlNG) Oh, my.

Well, hey, you guys aren't taking off,

are you?

Yeah, we're going to this cocktail mixer

at the Epsilon Sigma Kappa House.

Oh, no, no, no. The Geek House?

No, trust me.

-I wanna stay but...

-ASHLEY:
But we promised, so...

Plus, Ashley thinks this party

is a little bit dclass.

What? Like sleazy?

Hey, baby. How you doing, sweetheart?

Grab a beer.

No, you got the wrong idea

about this whole thing.

Look, this is just a little meet and greet

that I set up to, sort of,

you know, demonstrate our school spirit

and our, you know,

dedication to this university.

Beta House f***ing rules!

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(COOZE LAUGHS)

(EXCLAlMS)

Real classy.

-Erik, it was really nice to see you again.

-Yeah.

-Guys, till next time.

-Yeah, see you.

GlRLS:
Bye, guys.

COOZE:
Bye.

-It's nice to meet you.

-See you.

Hey, Stifler,

what's up with this Geek House?

Yeah, I never even heard of it.

I know a Geek house sounds harmless,

but they are a nightmare.

DWIGHT:

They were a social club for decades,

till a group of rich geeks came in

and threw some money around,

built the house, got a new charter.

COOZE:
Wait, a geek fraternity?

DWIGHT:
To get in,

you need, like, perfect SAT scores.

Transfer $2 million to my Swiss account.

DWIGHT:
Then they check your family tree

and calculate future earnings potential.

No, I said buy at 60, not sell at 60.

You're f***ing fired!

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