American Pie 5: The Naked Mile Page #2

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It doesn't work that way.

It should.

I'm sorry, Erik.

I know how patient you've been.

I know. It's just sometimes...

What?

Well, you're a girl.

It's a lot easier for you to be a virgin

because the longer you stay a virgin,

the more pure and innocent you seem.

The longer I stay a virgin,

the more I become the laughingstock

of the entire school.

I'm sorry, but... I mean...

I'm sorry I brought it up.

(BELL RINGING)

I gotta go. I'll see you after school.

Okay.

Bye.

I'm telling you, his dick was this big.

NATALIE:
What about Erik?

I bet he's got a big one.

Well, Tracy wouldn't know.

Whatever.

Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard

to figure out dick size from dry humping.

Brooke, that's mean.

Just because I don't have a catalog

of the school's dick sizes like you,

doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two.

Okay, so how big is Erik's?

See? Told you.

Come on, Brooke.

It's not like that with us.

I mean, Erik's different.

He respects my boundaries.

Well, you better give that boy

a reason to stick around,

or he's gonna find a girl

with looser boundaries.

Erik would never do that.

Yeah, that's what you said about Trent.

He broke up with you over sex,

and that was sophomore year.

Yeah, this just isn't gonna

work without the sex.

God, Trent is cute,

and I heard he just broke up with Holly.

Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik,

but let's get real.

He's a guy, and guys have certain needs.

They really do.

It's like a caveman thing or something.

Yeah, I can't believe

you've kept him tied up this long.

Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to?

Who?

Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan.

Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight?

Oh, we talk all the time.

What? We have a lot in common.

What's that crazy bastard up to?

He's in some fraternity,

and all those guys do is drink and f***.

And it just so happens that they're throwing

a monster party this weekend

for the Naked Mile.

What's the Naked Mile?

Oh, dude, it's this thing

where thousands of students

run naked through campus.

It's the way of blowing off

steam after exams.

Thousands of naked chicks?

Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic.

Bottom line is, this place is played out.

High school's over for us.

It's time to plant our flag in a new land.

Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother,

grounded forever?

Don't worry.

Just tell your parents that, you know,

you're thinking about going to school there.

- I don't know, man.

- Oh, please.

Your mom cried when you told her

you were going to school in Boston.

She'll probably help you pack

if she thinks it'll keep you close to home.

I'll help you pack.

I'll make sandwiches.

Chicken salad?

Of course.

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