American Pie 5: The Naked Mile


What's your problem, Erik?

Your cousin would've helped me

steal this beer.

Dude, a real Stifler

would have totally f*cked that goat.

If you were really a Stifler,

you would have nailed Tracy by now.


My name, my legacy, my curse.

I can't believe you killed your grandmother

from jerking off.

The coroner's findings were inconclusive.

Why are you still whacking it

to that dumpster porn?

Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet

like a normal person?

Well, because my mom

put on that CyberNanny

after you spent the entire night looking up

German fetish porn.

Man, you are pathetic.

You know who I blame for this? Tracy.

What? Why?

Because, if she would just give up

a little ass,

then maybe you wouldn't be killing

your relatives with your money shot.

Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin.

For Christ's sake, you're a Stifler.

Hey, sweetie. How was your math class?

It was all right. How was English?

Pretty interesting, actually.

You know that kid

that I always tell you about?

- He was doing that pencil thing all...

- That's cool.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Erik, we've been dating for two years.

I know when something's bothering you.

Nothing's wrong.

I don't know why you think

you have this psychic ability to read me.

Because I do. What is it?

You're gonna think I'm an asshole.

Let's just forget about it.

Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me

about anything.

All right.

It's the sex.

I mean,

we've been together for two years.

Two years, Trace.

I mean, when we were juniors,

it was one thing,

but we're seniors now,

and this whole virgin thing

is starting to have

some serious consequences.

I mean, people are dying.

I told you, I'm not ready yet.

I am so ready.

Can't I be ready enough for the both of us?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"American Pie 5: The Naked Mile" STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 12 Nov. 2019. <>.

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