American High School Page #2

Why don't you guys swing by

the house later?

We'll throw around the pigskin,

crack a few beers.

- Honey, bring some of your friends.

- You're cute.

I know. I know.

Hey.

Hey, shithead.

How come we never

threw around the pigskin, huh?

That's 'cause I'm ashamed of you.

What the f***, Dad?

I told you never

to call me that.

You never loved me.

Oh my God.

Could you be more of a p*ssy?

Now you're supposed to be a Dick.

Start acting like one.

Look at yourself.

I mean, come on...

Do some push-ups, get a girlfriend,

get a life.

No more jerking off.

Yeah, well maybe if I had a Dick

teaching me how to be a Dick...

I wouldn't be such a p*ssy,

all right?

Talk to the hand.

Talk to the hand.

- Real mature. Real mature.

- Talk to the hand.

- F*** you, Dad!

- Hey...

- Cheesy-looking motherf***er.

- The balls...

You know, Jonny's still

single and available.

Dad, I'm married.

Yeah, well, it's never too late

for an upgrade.

Girl:
Quiet. Quiet!

Boy:
It is with pride

to introduce to you...

...the cornerstone

of this school...

Assistant Principal Becky Apple.

Boy:
Look at those!

As seniors on

the fast track to graduation...

...a ritual is often performed.

I am of course

talking about prom.

Man:

I love you!

Prom is the be-all, end-all

of your time here.

On that note, I'd like to hand you over

to the prom chair, Hilary Weiss.

Man:

Whoo!

Totally. I want to bite

your ass!

Thank you, Miss Apple.

Thank you, students.

- Boy:
F***ing suck!

- Without your hard work...

...and dedication, our prom

would not be possible.

You guys are so awesome!

- Boy:
Cocksucker!

- Boy #2:
Your p*ssy stinks!

And on a more serious note...

...when prom comes,

all of you need to vote for me...

Hilary Weiss.

I mean, I'm the prettiest girl

in school, so it's a no-brainer.

Where'd you go?

Holden:
We hit the jackpot, Gwen...

the principal's desk.

- You, me, now. It's unlocked.

- What?

Come on, this'll leave

our last mark on campus.

Ow.

Plus, I want to let

all the boys know...

- That I'm a freak in the sheets.

- Boy:
Whoo!

I can't believe

I'm really here.

Come here.

Holden:
Are we almost done?

Holden:
I can't do this.

Oh God. Oh God.

Oh my God. Oh f***.

- So last year...

- Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

That was very nice.

- Thanks!

- Holden:
Oh, f***! Oh my God!

Oh, Gwen.

Oh, Gwen.

Oh my God, Gwen.

What's going on here?

I think they were

having sex.

Yes, Alice,

that's a rhetorical question.

- But, sir...

- How could you not lock my door?

I ain't cleaning this sh*t up.

Oh, you'll clean it up, Grandpa.

And you'll like it!

Do you two understand this is

mahogany wood from Bangladesh?

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