American High School
- R
- Year:
- 2009
- 86 min
- 581 Views
Ummmm-ah!
I say ummmm-ahh!
Good afternoon, Pussycats!
I say good afternoon, Pussycats!
I am here to introduce... Ha ha...
...my best friend
and your captain...
Jonny Awesome!
Thank you, Matt.
What the f*** is up,
American High School?
Yes!
#Ain't this the last time #
#I can feel like you #
#Well, you go from
town to town #
#And everybody knows
who you are... #
Boy:
Yes! Whoo! Awesome.
#Mmm, how do you do? #
#How do you do? #
All right, guys. Ahem.
Unfortunately, we have to
put a pause to the fun for a moment...
...and bring up... You know her
as the boring and the bland...
...and the ordinary...
...and incredibly
unhook-up-able-with... Al...
- Er...
- Unhookupable?
Yeah, she's... Okay,
let's bring up Gwen Adams.
Get up here!
Man, is she ordinary?
Soaky Gwen.
I'm just kidding.
Get up here.
She's a good f*** too, by the way.
Ha ha!
There you go.
Thank you.
I would...
- This must be really difficult for you.
- ...Like...
- Wow. You're definitely...
- Boy:
You suck!...unpopular.
Boy:
He's a dick!
I mean, if this was MySpace,
Tom wouldn't even be your friend.
Boy #2:
F***ing whore and slut!
Oh yes, sir!
Ha ha ha ha!
Awesome. Whoo!
That's me,
and it's pretty safe to say...
...that I am incredibly unpopular.
But it's not my fault, though.
There are plenty of
contributing loser factors.
For starters, instead of having a cool
dad who lets my girlfriends sleep over...
...my dad just tries to sleep with them.
He used to be an actor.
He made a ton of money...
...on the hit '80s TV show,
"Coast Watch"
...and a lot of Japanese
action flicks.
It'd be nice to have a strong older
brother to look up to.
Maybe this'll kill me.
Too bad I don't.
Don't even ask where
my mom is.
Having the coolest boyfriend
Yeah, not when you marry him.
We'll get to that later.
Girl singing:
#What we did right... #
My husband's an exhibitionist...
...and made it his mission to have
sex with me...
...at every landmark in school.
We've never been caught.
Lastly, this...
...is Hilary Weiss!
Hilary is a devil with a vagina.
Hey, Holden.
She wanted Holden
but he wanted me, so I married him.
I want you to take me
to dinner.
Gwen:
She's been trying to stealmy boyfriend since the third grade.
We hate each other,
but I got the man.
I'm running for prom queen...
...to beat out Hilary.
Not like I really care about
that kind of stuff obviously.
But I want to be the one
personally responsible...
...for bringing down Satan.
Ugh!
Oh, and I'm 10 days
late on my period.
Ahh, late for school.
Gotta go.
#Everyone is always
on the go... #
Boy:
Check this out...
Gwen:
Jonny and Matt.
I uploaded a video
of myself onto YouTube...
...shirtless and flexing.
Mad views already, bro.
- Mad views?
- Mad views.
- Nice.
- We're awesome.
So awesome!
Gwen:
They hold the world recordin awesomeness...
...whatever that means.
- Awesome. You got a lighter?
- No.
Gwen:
Oh, here comes Dixie,Hilary and Trixie.
Together they've slept
with the entire school...
...twice.
You're a chauvinist pig!
Hey, Holden.
How about you and I
Gwen:
God, she's suchan idiot!
If there was an award
...she'd be undefeated.
Oh!
- Cat fight!
- Awesome.
"Ooh, I'm gonna save the day.
I'm gonna pull her away. "
- Bye, Holden.
Walk away, walk away.
What the f*** is
wrong with those two?
Who the f*** gets married
in high school?
It's all right.
We like to watch you leave.
California...
...you will never find a more
wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Gwen:
This is our history teacher,Mr. Seuss.
Rumor has it his ber hot wife
is cheating on him.
She's our art teacher
and vice principal.
You can see from
her photos...
...she's extremely qualified.
California...
...where certain parts of Anaheim
worship a giant rat.
- Kip Dick.
- This means you should swim naked.
Kip Dick, out!
Harass. Be gone.
Seuss, I'm just here to
learn like everybody else...
Yeah, but what you're trying to teach
her, her dad doesn't want her to learn.
Move it.
Fine fine. You know, your class
is boring anyway.
Well, thank you.
But you know, this is only for students
who have graduated this century.
Okay. Quietly...
...as we continue our exciting
adventures in California history...
Ooh! My dad works in porn;
...he works in the state of California
'cause he's awesome!
What the f***?
Did you get high?
- Totally, dude.
- Seuss, Seuss.
Oh, what the... Oh!
And that'll be enough for
California history.
Make sure you've all read
chapter 14...
...one through six, due...
what the heck... Tomorrow.
Yo yo yo!
This is your principal.
I need all my seniors
down to the gymnasium.
I repeat, I need all my seniors down
to the gymnasium.
Ooh, Principal Mann.
Ooh, yeah!
That was another
amazing announcement.
Oh, you were fabulous, sir.
To the gymnasium.
Yo.
Dad, what are you doing here?
Just hanging out with my bros,
being totally awesome.
Yeah.
By the way, your dad
has awesome cologne.
Totally awesome.
It's Essence of Apple.
Well, I'm gonna skedaddle.
- Mr. D.
- Mr. D.
Call me Kip!
All right, Kip.
Nice.
Who's the cutie?
I don't even know.
- Awesome.
- My name's Katie.
Shh.
It doesn't matter.
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"American High School" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/american_high_school_2683>.
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