Amateur Night

1

Hey, it's Guy Carter.

I just...

I just wanted to touch base

and let you know that it was...

it was amazing

meeting you last week.

I felt really good

about it and umm...

I hope you did too.

So...

I look forward

to talking to you soon.

Okay, bye.

Hey there,

it's Guy Carter again.

Just wondering

if there's any news.

You said I'd hear by Monday

at the latest and...

it's now Friday.

I don't mean

to keep bugging you,

but you basically said

I had the job.

Hey, hi, I just...

I was thinking,

if it's easier for you

to text or to e-mail,

that's totally cool.

Hey, it's Guy Carter.

It's Guy Carter, again.

Oh, it's Guy Carter.

I don't want you to lose out

on getting me.

I'm still at the same number.

Recording

has been paused due to silence.

Okay, now I'm pissed.

How do you not call someone back

who interviewed three times

and who you said

was a shoe-in?

How do you not hire someone

who you said had the best

book you'd ever seen?

I deserve this job.

I can only assume the

reason you're not calling me back

is because you're too busy...

chomping on huge d*cks.

It's just a big dick

breakfast over there.

Dick omelets and dick pancakes.

Scrambled dick.

Dick Benedict.

All you can eat dick. Would you

like another mimosa with your dick?

There's a dick carving station.

You're just grabbing

as much dick.

Oh no, that's okay,

I'm fine with my dick.

Your plate is filled with dick

and then your mouth is filled.

In fact, it's so full of dick,

that I can't pick up the phone

and make a simple...

Guy. Rob Veckmann.

The reason I didn't call you

is because my wife's been

plowing my business partner.

They took over the company

and fired me.

Oh, man.

Oh, that's...

Wow! I had no idea.

Yeah, there's a lot

you don't know. Dick.

Rob? Rob?

You alright

in here, chief?

How long have you been

standing there?

Long enough to hear

the dick buffet.

Guy...

you're making yourself crazy.

How's the crib coming along?

It's getting there.

You know, not assembling

that thing

isn't gonna stop her

from coming out of me.

Why would I want to stop her?

Although, I mean, I guess I

wouldn't be totally upset

if she held off

another eight months.

That's funny. I was thinking

if she came sooner,

like say, before Tuesday,

we'd still have health

insurance to cover it.

What is that supposed to mean?

Umm...

Well, pretty much

what it sounds like.

Wait? Are you...

You're serious.

Anne? How are you just

telling me this now?

I don't... You were

so stressed out

I didn't wanna make it worse.

It looked like the Resource

thing was happening,

so I didn't mention it.

But now, I'm mentioning it.

They have to give you some

sort of grace period, right?

They did.

It ends Tuesday.

I mean, I assumed you'd

be working by now.

Yeah. Well, we dropped

the ball on that one.

I'm sorry, "we"?

Meaning me?

You quit your job.

Because we got pregnant.

I can't talk about this

right now.

I'm gonna make tea.

Anne...

To be loved

And to be loved

Forever

Let's make a vow

To never

Ever part

Here.

What is this?

I found it

on Craigslist.

It's the only thing

remotely realistic.

Now If you studied

dental hygiene,

that would really open up

our options.

You want me to be

a delivery guy?

I want you to be anything if it

pays the insurance by Tuesday.

That will buy us another month,

unless of course you want

me to call my parents

and ask for more money again.

It is an option.

No. No, it is not

an option, Anne.

I don't wanna go into labor

and find out the "repo man"

towed my car

out of the driveway.

There's no such thing

as the "repo man."

Of course there is.

Have you ever seen a repo man...

not counting the

Emilio Estevez movie?

Guy, I'm not gonna argue

the existence of repo men

because they're real.

What do they come with,

a tow truck

or a fleet of unicorns?

My half-brother's mom Sandy,

said that she had her car taken

and I believe it was

by a repo man, okay?

What? They are not...

I might throw up on you.

You're not gonna

throw up on me.

A little bit.

Why don't you go lie down and

I'll bring you something? Okay?

Go! Go lay down,

I'll bring you something.

They're real.

Here you go.

For your tummy.

Sorry for being such a baby.

I know you're frustrated.

It's just so stupid.

I'm supposed to have

my ducks in a row by now.

Maybe it's okay to not

have your ducks in a row.

It's not okay. Ducks

have to be in a row.

Have you ever seen ducks?

They're sorta crazy.

They like to run around,

do sh*t.

No, I don't...

Not my ducks.

My ducks are different

than your ducks.

Mine are not running

around and crazy.

They have an objective,

they have a plan.

They wanna get

somewhere in life.

Then they're like

walking in a line,

otherwise known as a row.

Honey, oww.

Then call the number.

Word up?

Oh. Hey. Um...

I'm calling about your ad.

You got a car?

- Yes.

- Does it run?

Meet me at Fat

Burger in West Hollywood.

Umm... okay.

Oh, a question...

This may be a little premature,

but are there benefits?

Plenty.

P, L, E, N, T, Y, my man.

My bad.

Yeah. Um-hm.

What he do?

Scraping the guardrail doesn't

necessarily mean he was wasted.

Oh.

You got me there.

Okay, yeah, no.

I'll tell him,

"No more shootin' up

in the car."

But, fret not, I got a buddy

that will drive you.

Um-hm.

About six foot.

Serious, clean.

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