Alpha House Page #2

It is now written by state

and federal laws,

which forbid anyone

from making a member of

the opposite sex feel harassed,

disentranced, or

other wise uncomfortable.

It means you horn dogs

will dial down the debauchery.

Significantly.

How significantly?

This place is going to make the Mormon

tabernacle look like Mardi Gras.

Everybody will be

on their best behavior.

Or else, you're out.

Out of Alpha House?

Out of Alpha House.

Out of Sterling College.

Poop out of luck!

Ladies.

Why don't know go

make yourselves at home.

Girls.

Can someone please

buy some air freshener?

This is a disaster.

I'm outta here.

- Where you going?

- Sorry dudes.

I was only in this stupid frat only

for the booze and the cooze.

What about brotherhood?

What about never letting

the party die?

Dude, look around.

The party is dead.

I should be in elbows deep

in Co-Ed trim right now.

Instead of watching these

Delta Pi lesbos

turn our front door

into a chastity belt.

Adios losers.

Enjoy your castration.

Come on! Seriously guys!

Wait what?

Bye, bye.

Well...

Looks like you're the defecto

president potty mouth.

Congrats.

Alright, listen up.

This is how it's going to work.

You two are gonna divide

up the house equally.

I'm putting this on both

your shoulders.

- Got it?

- Got it.

Good.

So this is how it's gonna work.

You guys are gonna get

the rooms in the back,

and we get the rooms

in the front.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

You are talking to the acting

Alpha House president here.

Okay? If anybody decides

who gets what rooms is me.

Okay, so what do you suggest?

Girls in the front, guys in the back.

And you can share

your room with me.

I'll pass. How many bathrooms

are in this hell hole?

2 upstairs. 1 down here.

We each get one upstairs,

the one downstairs is for guests,

and the living room and

the kitchen are common areas.

- Does that work for you?

- Yes.

Make it so.

Right.

Who is that?

I am not sure but I think

she wants to f*** me!

That's not gonna happen.

Oh yeah we'll see

about that sweetie.

Oh. Melanie?

Zach.

Oh my god.

What are you doing here?

I just transferred.

I was over at state last semester.

Well hello there, smelanie.

Cameron. Wow.

Didn't miss that!

Melanie. Upstairs now.

- We're having a meeting.

- Okay.

Well, I guess I will be seeing you

around the house then?

Yeah, I guess so.

This place is repulsive.

Is that a used condom?

Ladies please!

I know these are not

the best of arrangements.

And no matter what those

cavemen downstairs think,

This place is as much our

as it is theirs.

The road is gonna be rough.

It's gonna be dirty.

And occasionally will have

a used condom in it.

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