Along the Roadside Page #2

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I work at the post office.

Are you delivering?

Yes, I do but in Salzburg.

What?

That's in Austria.

So, what are you doing here?

I'm here for Blonde Priest.

What?

Blonde Priest.

Blonde Priest?

Yes.

Are you like religious?

I love them all.

So you have a delivery

for a blonde priest?

No, I'm here for their concert.

You're here for

Blonde Priest concert?

Yes.

Is that like a rock band?

Jawohl! F nf.

What?

Actually they're kind of folky,

Americana, Dylan-ish.

They were originally

called Sweat Breads,

but they changed it.

They played two days ago.

Yes, I'm aware

of this, but you see

my flight was

cancelled or suspended

actually because of

another volcano in Iceland.

I'm sure it's been all

over the news here.

You see all flights

were grounded because

of the smoke.

On top of that I had to

get a connection Chicago

and that plane got

hit by a truck right

before take off.

Your plane got hit by a truck?

Yes. A loading

truck with luggage.

Like what the f***?

One of the teamsters.

He was -

We all had to evacuate,

but anyways I was

hoping to replace these

tickets for the ones of

their next gig because

you know I missed

this one due to a

natural disaster,

and it states here

that I'm eligible

for an exchange or a refund,

but I don't want a refund.

You see, there's a

paragraph which states this.

So here and the original

plane ticket here.

I'm going to call my manager

and see what he can do.

He's a tough-ass puto.

, there's this

girl here who missed

the concert that was

here like two days ago

and she missed it because

like of the ice melting

or some sh*t like the

ozone layers so now she

wants us to buy her a

ticket to like Australia.

Okay.

He'll be right here.

Thank you.

You see Terry,

in the poem Au Lecteur

that prefaces Le Fleurs

du Mal, Baudelaire

accuses his readers of

hypocrisy and of being

as guilty of sins and

lies as the poet himself.

And I quote, "If rape or

arson, poison or the knife

has woven a pleasing

patterns in the stuff

of the canvas we accept as life

it is because we are

not bold enough."

You're back?

Just to pick up some sh*t.

You look tired.

You look like a bus driver.

I've been stress eating a lot.

Right.

I get the wrong

e-mail and I kill

a jar of Nutella.

I started up a

Twitter for that thing.

I know. I've

got over 200 followers.

Most of them porn stars.

Your sh*t is in the garage

and your room is rented.

He was like,

"You got a nice accent

you can get away

with a lot of sh*t."

Because you know you

can be at the club

saying some foul stuff

to a woman and if

you're saying it to her

in a nice posh English

accent she'll still

think you're sexy.

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