Almost Christmas

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1

It's a

beautiful Birmingham morning

and the holiday season

looks merry and bright.

Are you ready for the holidays?

Not me.

Man, I got five kids.

Four of them are mine.

Allegedly.

Have you been naughty?

Or have you been nice?

So many people coming into town.

What about you?

You got family or friends

coming to town?

Me?

I hope it's not my in-laws.

Unless they're listening.

If so, I can't wait to see ya!

On the way, a little music to

get you in the holiday spirit.

Merry Christmas!

Yeah.

All right.

Here we go.

I'm sorry.

I need to take this. Here.

Daddy, what's going on?

Your message sounded urgent.

I can't find that tin of hers.

The ones with Mama's recipes?

Yeah.

They're where the pots

and pans are, Daddy.

You're not trying

to cook, are you?

Not without those recipes,

I'm not.

Okay, good.

Now, don't drive yourself

too crazy with it, all right?

You know how you can get.

I can't wait to see you all.

Even your sister?

I can count on you two to be

civil with each other, right?

Yeah, of course.

I can't wait to see Rachel.

I'll be civil with her as

long as she's civil with me.

You know,

I'm looking forward to it.

Rach, can I please

finish what I'm saying?

Look, I'm just saying that we all want to

spend as much time as we can with Dad.

What's wrong with me trying

to get you there faster?

I'm not some charity case.

Just because I'm in law school doesn't

mean I can't afford to buy plane tickets.

That's exactly what it means.

We talked about this.

Ma'am?

Yes?

This tire's got a hole in it.

Just put on the spare.

You mean, one of the two

you're already using?

Hey! Yeah, I gotta go.

Well, there's always the bus.

Why?

Promise me you are not gonna be

on that phone the entire holiday.

I'm not. That was Rach.

And you do realize I'm in the

middle of a campaign, right?

Yes, and I support you.

Give me that bunny!

No!

Slow, please.

But family time is important too, which

is why you have a campaign manager.

Besides, it's only a week.

Promise me we'll have fun

at your dad's.

Promise.

Family time.

I was cutting it off.

I thought you were

getting here last night?

Well, coach dropped another practice

on us, but I'm on my way now.

All right, all right.

Just drive safe.

And none of that Tweetbooking,

or Faceprogramming

or Snap whatever that is, okay?

Dad, it's...

I gotta go. Yeah.

I'ma see you soon.

Okay. I love you.

Love you too, Pops.

No, stay down. Stay down.

Got an early Christmas gift.

Shoulder's good as new.

Yes!

You can finally get off those

meds and back on the field

because you've been cleared

for the bowl game!

Yes!

Yo, 88 is back

in the building, man!

Yeah. Thank you, Coach.

Listen, I am really proud of all the hard

work you've been putting in lately.

Thanks.

And I know that this is gonna be

your first holiday at home since...

Coach, you know what?

I'm really good. I'm good.

All right. Happy holidays.

Yeah, same.

All right.

Listen up, everyone.

I don't want you pigging out

over the holidays.

Gotta win this thing.

Come on, Coach.

It's Christmas!

I love how the ring

just glimmers.

See? When the light hits it?

I was a champion in Croatia.

You know I played

in the NBA also?

1991, Seattle SuperSonics.

I made the last shot

in the playoffs.

They called me

Lonnie "Shatao" Maclay.

You know what Shatao is?

Shatao is the sound that the ball

makes when it goes through the net.

Shatao! Like, Shatao!

So, would you like

a mid-size or a sedan?

Could I get a little

help here, Lonnie, huh?

A sedan!

What are you talking

about over there?

Will you help me with the bags?

Here's a little

early Christmas gift.

Could be worth a lot

of money on eBay.

But let it marinate.

Okay. Okay?

Lonnie!

Did you bring those damn cards?

Shatao!

Your face.

Yeah.

Sh*t!

Yeah!

Oh, man.

I'm trying.

May Devaroux, Johnson, Davis...

Sh*t, there was a lot of them.

I am here. And how's my

favorite brother-in-law doing?

May, I'm your only

brother-in-law.

Well, lucky you!

Damn, I forgot how old you are.

Come on, give it to me.

How you doing, baby?

It's coming.

It's coming.

You holding on?

I'm holding on.

You holding on, baby.

Yeah, I was expecting you

in a day, or two, or three...

If I'd have known,

I would have...

Dusted. Damn, Walter!

Changed the locks.

Your ass is old, so I'm

gonna let that one slide.

Now, I just thought my brother-in-law

could use a little extra help

so I said, what the hell.

And Stevie Wonder blind ass

done canceled the tour

because they gave him

the schedule.

Who gonna give his blind ass

the schedule? Damn!

Messing with my money, baby.

But such is the life

of a background singer.

Now, listen, my bags are in the driveway

so be a dear and go get them for me.

And I'ma whip

a little something up

so the kids have something

to eat when they get here.

Perfect. As long as

I don't have to eat it.

Walter Meyers, you can kiss

all my ass, okay?

You know the sh*t I cook is

good sh*t. Don't do that now.

You've been eating that bad sh*t.

That's why your ass looks so frail.

Look at yourself.

Knees knocking and sh*t.

And where's the liquor, Walter?

And I hope it ain't

that dark liquor, damn it.

Because that dark liquor

make a b*tch wanna fight!

Pop-pop!

We made it!

Hi, Grandpa!

Hi!

You're even prettier

than I last saw you.

Yeah! How do you do that?

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