All Saints

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1

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

BISHOP:
You promise to be loyal

to the doctrine of Christ

as the Episcopal Church has received it?

You promise to obey your bishop and those

ministers who have authority over your work?

I so promise.

Even when you disagree with them?

Okay. Even when I disagree.

- Mom, I don't see this in the...

- Shh.

(SOFTLY) Got you on record.

Dear friends in Christ,

the Reverend Michael Spurlock.

(MAN COUGHS)

Hi. I'm Michael. Nice to see you.

- Congratulations.

- Thanks.

I'm so completely proud of you today.

Hello.

Well, I'm glad to meet you.

I'm Mary O.

I'm Michael. Nice to see you.

I wanted to ask...

I don't see a piano anywhere.

Oh, it's long gone.

Evidently, they haven't told you

about some of our blemishes.

But I thought you were a journalist,

not a pianist.

Oh, I was.

But Michael and I wanted to work together,

and I've always wanted to lead a choir.

Well, aren't we just

one big disappointment, now.

Peanut butter-toffee turtle?

Here you go, buddy, rot your teeth.

No? They say Tennessee soda's

the best in the world.

Come on. It's a couple months.

Next place, you'll make some buddies.

That man's sniffing the dirt.

Michael, walk me to my car.

I'll see you.

So, do an inventory, assess

the value of the property.

Put that business background to work for us.

Yes, sir.

If we could get the church

on the market in the next few weeks...

Look, I know it's not a glamour call,

but helping these people face

their loss is godly work.

Couple of months, we'll find you

a church with a piano for Aimee,

maybe a choir to run.

That sounds real good.

Safe travels back to Nashville, Bishop.

Hey, does this old clunker work?

No.

We didn't meet before. I'm Michael.

You're here to sell the church, ain'tcha?

Strip it.

Sell the land.

I'm here to be your pastor. What's your name?

It don't matter.

We ain't gonna know each other long enough.

Well, we don't really know that.

We do know that 30 acres of prime bottom land

will buy a whole lot of pointy bishop hats.

That's probably true, but the fact is

there's just too many empty pews in there.

Well, that ain't a pastor talkin'.

That's an errand boy.

Errand boy? No, I'm not really an errand boy.

But you had 12 people in that church today.

Jesus had 12 people.

He done all right, didn't he?

Jesus didn't have an $850,000 mortgage.

You know, a church is more

than a bunch of billfolds,

or didn't your preacher school

teach you that?

He sounds like an old crank.

You brought me to a church

full of old cranks.

I think they prefer "senior cranks."

Hey, did it bug you today,

what he said in service?

I don't know why he's worried,

'cause I'm not going back

to sales, that just about killed us.

He knows your history.

In this job, you can't get mouthy

with the boss and take a better gig.

Well, I guess that's covered by the

big cross on the side of the building.

Besides, if I was a little

contrary at work sometimes...

Oh, contrary?

You threw coffee at your last boss.

Well, spilled it accidentally,

probably correcting his math.

You know, if I wasn't a model

citizen at those old jobs,

it's 'cause I hadn't woken up

to this job yet.

Well, I'm excited to be working together.

Yeah, we're gonna be a real family.

Tuna casserole, the whole nine.

Purple?

- Hmm.

- I like it.

Mmm. Well, you should have

heard Ruth, the cookie lady.

"Oh, honey, did you get your

fingers caught in a car door?"

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

She looked at me like I was from Mars.

Or worse, New York.

I noticed how all the menfolk

were looking at you.

(AIMEE CHUCKLES)

MARY O:
Ruth found this clipboard.

Shh. Come here.

Oh. Forrest.

Yeah, he's probably picking out

a rock to throw at me.

Yeah. You got to go gentle with Forrest.

He traded his farm for a

cutie-pie cottage a few months back.

Wife dropped dead the next day.

We're all he's got.

Well, let's go, padre.

This place won't inventory itself.

We got these candlesticks.

Offering plate.

That communion stuff's

got to be worth something.

MARY O:
Lordy, we need ourselves a good,

old-fashioned book burning.

Let it go, Mary Olivia.

Ruth's daddy made us burn

all our Beatles stuff one year.

- He thought Ringo was the devil.

- (CLEARS THROAT)

(GASPS)

- Would you look at that.

- (CHUCKLES)

RUTH:
Oh! When we had ball fields out back.

Is that you two playing tag?

(RUTH CHUCKLING)

Look at Miss Delfia's hair.

You could raise sparrows in there.

You have a church home growing up, padre?

Er, no, I barely had a home-home,

'cause I was a corporate brat.

- Is that...

- Yep. Forrest.

He wore that uniform, didn't he?

I thought he was a farmer.

After Vietnam.

His wife sure was a dear.

There's just too much dust in here.

What about the megachurch

down the road? Riverview.

I'm sure they'd welcome you.

I've been a few times.

Never saw the same person twice.

You'd get to know them eventually.

I don't know how.

The preacher sends me e-mails

that start, "Dear Member."

Can you imagine?

If you did that,

I'd have hit you with a hymnal.

No.

This is home, come what may.

ATTICUS:
You're cooking?

I cook.

You're cooking.

Listen, men, just because my

mama raised me from a microwave

doesn't mean I can't handle

peanut butter-toffee thingies here.

My first homemade treat.

AIMEE:
Oh. Oh, no.

Dry?

Mmm-mmm. It's not dry.

(CHUCKLES)

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