Ali G Indahouse Page #2

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language here. The word is batty boy.

(All chant) Batty boy! Batty boy!

Better. Everybody up!

Time to give out this week's badges.

First, big it up

for me main man Andy,

who has finally got

his Hot-Wiring badge

and his Advanced Swearing badge.

- Sh*t off, you hairy dog's cock.

- Respect.

Since you has got your fifth badge,

you has earned your second slit.

Hopefully one day

you'll get to be Tyrone's level.

If you gets any better,

we'll have to start doing your pubes.

- I don't have any.

- Well, I is got millions.

Now, remember -

without realness, we is nothing.

So, posse, keep it real!

(All chant) Keep it real!

On the streets, your homie

would take a cap in his ass for you.

So let's start with

a very basic trust exercise.

- One, two, three.

- Ali, can I have a word?

- Sure.

- It's about the centre.

I know how much these classes

mean to you

- and how much the kids enjoy them.

- (Groaning)

But the government's withdrawn

our funding.

They're closing down

the John Nike Leisure Centre.

You what? How is these kids meant

to make it out of the ghetto now?

- They'll have to go somewhere else.

- Somewhere else?

Do you know what this centre

means to them? And to me?

This is the spiritual home

of the West Staines Massiv.

This is like what Mecca is

to the Jews.

It's like what Kentucky is

to chickens.

And it was here when me

first felt me Julie's... (Whistles)

Ali, there's nothing you can do.

Now, you better go and tell the kids.

I ain't never gonna let them

close us down.

Keep it real, yeah?

(Woman) 'Dinner with

the Belgian prime minister at eight.

'And the Deputy Prime Minister

wishes to speak to you.'

- Has he heard the poll results yet?

- Yes, I wish I hadn't.

Gallup puts us 22 points behind.

- And MORI?

- 23 points behind.

The youth vote's

deserting us in droves.

Focus groups say we're out of touch.

- We are.

- Don't be silly.

Will we lose this by-election?

We haven't lost Staines in 20 years

and we're not about to start.

We just have an image problem.

We have to find a candidate

who will improve that image.

Somebody young.

- Somebody ethnic.

- Somebody in touch.

- Exactly.

- You're right.

We need an intellectually superior

candidate to guarantee us victory.

- Easy now, Mrs Hugh.

- Booyakasha.

- Is me Julie about?

- She's upstairs.

Hello, baby, I's been missing you

so much today.

You is looking so fine. All I want

to do is pull your panties down...

Ali.

- Hello, me Julie.

- Stop feeling up Nina.

- I got confused.

- You're never confused with Tracey.

- Hello, Ali.

- Hello.

You know you is me only b*tch.

Ho. Lady?

When me close me eyes,

you is the only girl me think about.

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