Alfie Page #2

Oh, Dor?

Your derrire looks really rather

ravishing from this vantage point.

See?

A compliment when least expected.

What can I say?

Happy as a pup with two tails.

And I think Ive done old Phil

a bit of a favour too.

Of course, hed be the last to see it.

Never expect any thanks in this life.

You know what I mean?

So Tuesday...

...10:
03 p.m.

Do I drag myself home

to a cold flat, empty fridge,

or nip across town for a hot bath,

warm body, breakfast in bed?

Decisions, decisions...

Yeah, l think lll pay a visit

to my semi-regular,

quasi, sort of girlfriend.

My sweet Julie.

Let me guess.

Unexpected last-minute fare.

Yeah. She had me going

up and down for hours.

That supposed to be funny?

Because it is so very...

Not.

Hey!

Im not kidding, Alfie!

Im not kidding. I hate you sometimes.

You have a very ostentatious way

of showing it.

Yeah, I sure do.

No, darling. Can we hit pause?

I just need a second to unwind.

Oh, I nicked half a bottle

of Stoli from the limo.

How do you want yours,

on the rocks?

I just want my usual, Alfie. Straight up.

No, Im so totally knackered.

Ill make it up to you in the morning.

Cross my heart.

But tonight, all Im good for

is a bite to eat, hot bath

and a nice long sleep.

You know, this isnt

a Holiday Inn, Alfie.

Whats that again?

Where were you tonight? Really?

Youve got to open a restaurant.

Thats seriously delicious.

Thanks, Alfie. Its just chilli.

Hey.

A little eye contact, please.

We have something here,

or am I just a glorified booty call?

Hey.

Hey.

Heres what shes really saying:

She wants me to commit.

Translation:
Become domestified.

Now, it doesnt do to become

dependent on anybody in this life.

Change your nature,

youre a dead man.

Chilli, please.

Dont get me wrong.

Shes adorable.

Cute? Absolutely.

But is it ever enough?

I told you how we men are.

We want showstoppers.

And the problem is,

Julie hasnt got enough

of the superficial things

that really matter.

- I dont deserve you.

- Yeah, thats probably true.

Too bad I love you.

Thanks, babe.

- Alfie, Alfie...

- What?

Youre giving me the "Thanks, babe."

Youre giving me the "Thanks, baby."

- Calm down.

- Dont tell me to calm down!

- I know how you feel!

- Wait a minute.

- Youre gonna wake up...

- Max.

Hey, little man. Did we wake you up?

Yes.

Now, lads, learn from my mistake.

Never get involved

with a single mum.

See, they come with accessories,

some of which can be...

...unfortunately, irresistible.

Sights like that make you realize

we all have an expiration date.

And women do have a shorter

shelf life than men, dont they?

I think thats what Julie

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