Alex Strangelove Page #2

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You won't let me.

Okay, see you inside.

Wow.

- Guys. Guys, look...

- Dude. Oh, my God.

Dude, you were just like stripped

of your penis before our very eyes.

Balls too.

Ballsack included.

Your dick is gone, though.

Yeah, it dropped right off.

Gone in a poof of dick glitter.

No, we just want it to be special.

Oh my God, you're gay.

- That's very funny.

- No, no, no, really.

There's nothing wrong with that.

It's the 21st century.

Everyone's gay.

Are you gay?

- F*** no!

- Well, neither am I.

Homophobes.

Can't we just get past this whole

horny, teenage boy archetype.

Quite frankly, the idea that it's gay

to think of sex

as something that's meaningful and special

is offensive.

That's the gayest sentence

anyone's ever said, dude.

Okay, so what is it?

Am I gay, or did my dick fall off?

Your dick fell off.

Good luck being gay with no dick.

- May I help you?

- What was that?

What? I was just answering

Dell's question.

No, you weren't.

You totally threw me under the bus.

And not like any bus, like a giant,

hulking tour bus for Beyonc.

- Don't be dramatic.

- I'm not.

But you made me seem

like a prudish, sexophobic freak.

Well, isn't that kind of true?

No.

What?

That is so not true.

- I never wanted to wait until marriage.

- Shh. Okay.

- Not that specifically.

- Well, then what specifically?

Okay.

Why is it every time we're,

you know, like, going at it,

you always put the brakes on

at a certain point?

Well... I don't know.

I just... We've never really talked

about going past that point.

- Maybe we should just go for it.

- Yeah.

You know, I mean...

- I'd like to.

- Yeah, I know. Me too.

Okay, so when?

Let's get a hotel room.

- What?

- Let's do it.

Let's get a hotel roomnext week.

Deal?

Okay, I don't think

you're supposed to shake on this.

- Okay. Deal.

- Okay.

I'm gonna sex you so good

you wont know what time it is.

Wow.

- I like that.

- Yeah?

I'm gonna sex you like a tornado on fire.

Nice.

I'm gonna sex you

like a gorilla would sex his...

fuzzy, furry gorilla...

life mate.

- You should workshop that one.

- Yeah, it's not as good.

The Golgi apparatus is responsible

for the manufacturing and shipping

of the molecules produced by,

and synthesized in,

the endoplasmic reticulum.

But the most amazing thing

about all of this...

is Alex Truelove

is going to have sex next week.

What?

Hot...

sweaty...

ass-slapping intercourse...

of a sexual kind.

Just try not to f*** it up.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, read pages 121 through 140

for tomorrow, guys.

- Okay?

- Okay.

Okay?

I found my dick.

I'll be the judge of that.

Not that it's any of your business,

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