Albert Page #3

[off-key]

Time

[gasps]

You're on a sign!

- A sign?

How 'bout plates!

Cups, napkins--the menu!

- How 'bout

the toilet paper?

[laughter]

His real name's Roy.

He changed it

after he got the job.

[laughter]

[growls]

- What were you doing

in the snow?

- It's a brutal

and sadistic tale.

[festive Latin music]

11 months outta the year,

I'm the hottest tamale

in town.

[singer whooping]

[]

[somber music]

But as soon as Christmas

blows in like a bad smell...

[brakes screech]

They toss me out like trash

just so this pretty boy

can take my special spot!

[growls]

[quietly]

I hate you.

[sighs]

Check out those lights.

- That tree has nothing

on you, Albert.

[tense music]

[chuckling]

Well...

aren't you

mister shiny and twinkly?

- Albert's gonna be the

Empire City Christmas Tree.

Maybe you've heard of it.

- Well, you don't say?

The most famous Christmas Tree

in the whole dang universe.

- Guys, we should roll.

- Well, not the universe,

not the whole thing.

[chuckles]

Just the world.

- Oh, don't be modest, Albert.

- Yeah, don't be modest, Al.

You're the Empire City

Christmas Tree, Al.

Everyone loves you, Al!

- Oh ho ho ho, that's because

the truly perfect

Christmas tree,

like moi, radiates the--

Aah!

- I know all about

Christmas trees, jocko!

[mocking] "We need room

for our precious trees.

Let's throw the cactus outside.

It won't mind."

Well, I do mind!

I mind a great deal!

[nervous laugh]

We should go.

- Sharpen your needles, boys!

It's time to show our friends

a prickly good time.

- Ooh, whatever you say, Roy.

[blows]

[groaning]

Ohh...

[pffft]

- Destroy that tree!

[cacti grunting]

ALBERT:
Aaaah!

[dramatic music]

[]

[thump]

[base scraping]

[inhales]

- Aah!

- You gotta shoot back.

- Gene's right.

Make us fly, Maisie.

- Not what I meant!

ALBERT:
Aaaahhh!

[thump]

[thud, sizzle]

- Ohh...

[]

[growls]

- Head for the truck!

- Yee-haw!

Ow!

- Aah!

- Aah--ooh-ooh-wah-oh!

[dramatic music]

Maisie!

[gasps]

Aah!

[grunts]

Run!

Oh!

- Albert!

- Behind you!

- Yah, yah!

Ooh!

- Wow.

- Dang.

[]

[gurgling]

[ice cracking]

- Ha ha ha ha!

Now, that was a prickly

good time!

[laughter]

- O, Christmas tree

O, Christmas tree

How heavenly

are thy branches

- Leave Albert al--

- Hah. That's the best

you got?

- Aah!

[crash]

- Maisie!

- Ha ha.

How's it feel...

knowing there ain't gonna be

no stinking Empire City Tree

this year?

- Let me get back

to you on that.

- Man, I hate Christmas.

Ooh!

[groans]

Ohh...

- Yes!

[truck engine turns]

- Next stop,

Baker's Hill!

Ha ha ha!

Wait, no! No, no, no, no!

- Wait, wait, wait!

Wait for us!

[panting]

No! No...

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