Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Page #2

Year:
2013
1,648 Views


- Paper.

- I was doing a fist bump.

- You would say that now you've lost.

- It's instead of a handshake.

Some people say it's more hygienic

than a handshake.

But who's to say

you can't get sh*t on your fist?

- Did you hear him making fun of you?

- I did, but as Oscar Wilde said,

"There's only one thing worse

than being talked about."

- Cancer.

- No. "Not being talked about."

Oscar Wilde said that's

worse than cancer?

Yeah. I think he was at a party.

Probably just being a gay show-off.

Shape, Shape, Shape

Do you know what I really like? I like waking up

in the morning, breathing in the air and er...

actually realising I've made it through

the night and I haven't wet the bed.

No, I am joking, obviously, but er...

they were, of course,

very, very dark days indeed.

But they're all behind me now.

- Morning, Angela.

- Morning, Alan.

Alan Partridge has just

walked into the building.

Walking and talking, like The West Wing.

- Hope he hasn't hurt himself!

- Mr President, we have a code red.

- I've never seen the show.

- No, me neither.

Corner coming up.

You never know what's round the corner.

More corners, usually.

Imagine a world without corners.

No-one would be able to cut any.

Everyone would be going round in circles.

Wow.

I enjoyed that.

I will tell you one thing.

When I was going through my bad times,

I found Norfolk was perhaps

maybe not the place to be and...

just because it's so at

and there was a sort of a...

a bleakness about the place,

but obviously now...

You're a good broadcaster, Alan.

Don't forget that.

- I wasn't planning to, Pat.

- You seen this memo?

"Exciting new phase.

Here's to the future."

- My days are numbered.

- No-one's getting sacked.

It's like Bobby Brushes, the caretaker, when

the swimming pool allegations came out.

- He was in bits.

- Yeah.

It turned out he was just helping those

lads towel off. He was being nice.

- He didn't even know them.

- Yeah, but where is he now?

- He runs his own business.

- There. He's back on his feet.

Rents out bouncy castles.

For adults, yeah?

- Look at this memo.

- I've seen the memo. It's quite simple.

Goredale Media are simply re-imagining

our core brand values

and giving it a name more fitting

to multi-platform content delivery.

- They're people people.

- People people sack people.

No, Pat. People sack people.

People people please people.

- Can you have a word with them, Alan?

- Would you?

Er... sure. As soon as I can get them

all in the same room together.

- They're all up in the boardroom now.

- That's great.

Thank you. Thank you, Alan.

You're a pal.

Well, pals is pals.

If we're all looking at the last quarterly

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Neil Gibbons

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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