Adventureland Page #2
-Nad attack!
-Frigo, Frigo! Hey, get off of me.
-Brennan, come here.
-Frigo, stop. Okay.
There's the lawn mower, lawn mower,
lawn mower!
-Yes!
-Frigo.
Oh, Brennan!
Right here, sir! Right here, sir!
Have a funtastic time!
I don't have much work experience,
per se, but...
I'm sorry.
Paulette? Come in, Paulette? Bobby?
Bobby?
-Paulette, come in, Paulette?
-Channels.
-You just... You gotta press it.
-Oh, they're gone.
Okay.
This is James,
and he's applying for a games job.
Games! Oh, great, good.
Let's get you set up.
Actually, Bobby, I'd prefer a rides job,
if it's still open.
You look more like a games guy,
plus I've already got out
the games application, so... All right?
Okay. Yeah, no. I just...
My name is Bobby.
Okay, rules. No freebies,
no free turns for your friends,
-no free upgrades, no free food.
-So, just nothing is free here.
Everybody has to pay for everything.
And more importantly,
working in games,
no one ever wins a giant-ass panda.
Yeah, we don't have that many left.
Cool? Can you hand me
a T-shirt, please?
Here, I have a resume. I don't know
if you still want to take a look at it.
James? Am I pronouncing that right?
-James? James?
-Yeah.
Okay, by accepting this T-shirt,
you are...
Hired!
Well, usually I...
-More of a ceremonial thing, the T-shirt.
-Sorry.
Okay, new guy, let's get this over with.
Here we are
at the first of many shitty games.
This one is inexplicably
called The Flighing Dutchman.
Even more inexplicable
is how they decided to spell it.
Hey, Jerry.
$1 buys 5 rings.
If one of the rings lands
on one of the red bottles,
they win a giant-ass panda.
-That is a giant-ass panda.
-Yeah, it's the best prize in the park.
And that's because this game
is un-winnable.
Observe. I'll drop a ring
from 3 inches away.
So nobody ever wins?
If someone wins a giant-ass panda
on your watch,
you should just go home
because you're fired, okay?
So the object of the game
is to knock the hat off the dummy
with a softball,
except, as you'll see,
half the hats are glued on.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I mean, we pay little Malaysian kids
we can't just give them away.
You get a 5-minute bathroom break
every 2 hours.
I recommend saving a few of those up
in case you have to go number 2.
Brennan, they got you working on games?
What a p*ssy! You're such a p*ssy!
-You know that demented person?
-Yeah. He used to be my best friend.
Then I turned 4.
So if you stand
directly below the hoop,
you will see that it's been hammered
into an oval shape.
But from back there,
the sucker just can't tell.
Jesus, that's so wrong.
A criminal abuse
of the laws of perspective.
Yeah, well,
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"Adventureland" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/adventureland_2249>.
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