Adult Beginners

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1

Hi, I'm Jake Winton.

If you're receiving this video,

it means that you have invested

in MINDS i.

It also means that we have

raised $2.5 million

to start production

on the sickest piece

of wearable technology

on the market today.

It's also much more affordable

than any of our competitors.

I'm not gonna name any names,

but I think you

know who you are.

I'm telling you,

there is no other product

on the market today that is

as comprehensive, easy to use,

and f***ing cool as MINDS i.

Wired Magazine, TechCrunch,

and a whole mess

of other media agree.

Look, I'm not an inventor.

I'm an investor.

All of my money is

in this product.

I know a good thing

when I see it,

and I want you guys

to see it all, so thank you.

And you're welcome.

Gersh, congrats,

her dad's out of jail.

Love the Windsor.

Chatakov, thank you

for the pork bun rack.

Sam, you're not on the list,

you can't be here.

Hey, dude, take off

the braided belt.

No bullshit in my house, okay?

- It's Hudson's apartment.

- Do what he says, dick.

- Dick.

- You're gonna kill it, Dick.

We're in for another 75K.

This launch is gonna be huge.

When I look around this room,

I see so many people

that I love...

for their money.

But this is where I say

something that I really mean.

I really want to thank you guys

all for being here

and investing your money

and your time

and your trust into MINDS i.

You are all gonna be so much

more interesting to talk to

at a dinner party

a week from now,

and you are gonna have

so much more money on paper.

- Whoo!

- To MINDS i.

Not bad.

Now, please, everybody

enjoy their champagne.

It's filled with rufies,

so we're gonna have

a good f***ing time tonight.

Oh, my God, you guys,

that is so hot.

Mmm, yeah, it is.

Who wants a cup of coffee?

Mmm... I do.

Yes.

Hey, lawyer man, tell me

you're bringing by more demos.

People want their eyes to get

f***ed by technology.

Hudson, please.

They're the manufacturer.

What do you mean,

they can't manufacture the part?

No, no, f***.

Look, it's China,

it's a big-ass country.

We'll just find someone else

to make the part, okay?

We just need to keep this quiet

and keep the launch smooth.

You're reading this

off of TechCrunch, aren't you?

Jesus Christ.

It's already out.

You guys are gonna

leave me in here?

B dog.

What, did you have

your f***ing mom

do the production research?

My mom's dead.

- Right.

- But we're gonna find

a new manufacturer

and make this right.

F*** you, f*** head.

Already on the phone, I love it.

Yeah, no, I'm on my way home.

He... he lost all the money.

See you, man.

What time is it?

We are gonna watch the sun rise

every day together, dude,

until your soul is healed.

Oh, I can't stay here.

Tickets.

Get your tickets out, please.

I'm sorry, I forget where...

I put it.

There it is.

Going backwards makes

a lot of people nauseous.

Yeah, I don't get nauseous, man.

New Rochelle.

Be there in no time.

Hey, man, where's my money?

I trusted you, give me a call...

Hey, great party.

Way to f*** up my life.

Stop texting Kat, okay?

She broke up with you, dude.

The end, she's done.

Hey, Jake, my kids aren't

going to camp

this summer.

Thanks, buddy.

I just wanted to let you know

that you probably shouldn't come

to the reunion this weekend.

You better find

another f***ing manufacturer...

Hey, Jake, I want you to tell

my wife that she's probably

gonna have to get a second job.

I changed your name

in my phone

to "life ruiner."

Jake, don't come

to my birthday party next week.

I wanted to leave you

a voice mail

so you could hear in my voice

how disappointed and angry

and pissed I am!

Hey.

It's Jake, your brother.

I left you messages.

Well, I had no idea...

What are you doing here?

Hi.

Uh...

Do you not answer

your phone anymore?

I know, yeah,

it's basically impossible

for me to talk on the phone.

Hi... come in, hi.

- Hi.

- Ugh.

Whoa.

You all right?

No, it's good.

I'm good, I'm fine.

I'm pregnant.

Really? Wasn't Teddy born,

like, yesterday?

He's three.

He is?

And there's another one

in there?

There's like nothing going on

with this belly.

Sorry, I just... I don't like

people touching it.

But you can touch it.

No, it's fine, I don't need

to touch anything.

So how pregnant are you?

13 weeks.

Wow.

Why aren't you wearing

your glasses?

I got Lasik.

You had surgery?

You don't have surgery

without telling people.

I could have come in for that.

When did you do it?

I don't know.

Last year.

Wow.

Your eyes look kind of buggy.

Yeah, that's what I was

going for.

Maybe you should check

your thyroid.

You should check your thyroid.

Sorry, this is Teddy's

wake of destruction.

Just step over that turtle,

and have a seat.

Where is Teddy?

Teddy!

He's actually at daycare,

and I have a early meeting,

so can you stay for dinner?

Yeah.

Is it cool if I crash here?

Tonight?

Sure.

Oh, don't sit there.

Sorry, that's where

Teddy puts his leaf babies

to sleep.

Oh, that's where his leaf babies

sleep, of course.

That makes perfect sense.

So, how long do you

need to stay?

For a couple nights.

That's a big bag.

Yeah, well, I couldn't cram

everything into a little bag

when my entire world

imploded upon itself.

You don't seem very focused.

Huh?

I'm focused.

I'm focused on you

and on folding this laundry

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