Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Page #4
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 86 min
- 1,303 Views
LANDLORD:
Never mind the wise cracks
Venturaaa. You owe me rent!
ACE:
Mr. Shickadance� I told you,
you're my first priority! As soon
as I find the white pigeon,
you're paid!!
LANDLORD:
I heard animals in there Ventura!
I heard 'em again this morning,
scratchin' around.
ACE:
I never bring my work home with
me, sir.
The landlord notices the bags of kibble.
LANDLORD:
Oh, yeah? What's all this pet
food for?
ACE:
(beat)
Fiber.
ACE:
You wanna take a look for
yourself? Go head.
Ace rattles his keys in the door. Then he swings it open and turns on
the light. The house is clear.
Ace walks in as the landlord stands there snooping and sniffing the
air.
ACE:
Well� are you satisfied?
LANDLORD:
(still suspicious)
Yeah, but don't ever let me catch
you with an animal in there,
that's all!
ACE:
Okay then. Take care now. 'Bye
'bye.
The landlord walks away as Ace closes the door.
ACE:
(quietly to himself)
LLOOSER.
He then turns to the room and gives a distinct whistle.
CHAOS ENSUES! Animals jump out from every direction. Lizards crawl out
of drawers, birds fly
through the air, all of them gravitating to Ace.
ACE:
(to his flock)
Ooshhooboobooboodoodoo!
INT. MIAMI DOLPHIN HEADQUARTERS - LATER THAT DAY
The very imposing office of BOBBY RIDDLE, owner of the Miami Dolphins.
Riddle, 70, is a
take charge, doesn't take crap from anyone type of guy. He is yelling
at ROGER PODACTER,
an ex-linebacker in his early sixties, and MELISSA ROBINSON,
Podacter's attractive assistant.
RIDDLE:
I just want to know one thing; How
the hell do you lose a 500 pound
fish?!
Melissa's about to speak but hesitates.
RIDDLE (CONT.)
What?
MELISSA:
It's not a fish, sir. It's a
mammal.
RIDDLE:
Oh, thank you very much, Mrs.
Jacque Cousteau!
PODACTER:
Bob, she didn't mean anything by
it.
RIDDLE calms down a little, and sits.
RIDDLE:
(calmer)
Listen, personally, I don't give a
good god damn about a fish.
He looks at Melissa. She doesn't dare say anything.
RIDDLE (CONT.)
All I care about is winning this
Super Bowl! I want the players'
head in the right place. Sh*t,
Roger, you've been in this game
long enough, you know how
superstitious players are. Our
quarterback's been putting his
school. And I got a lineman who
hasn't washed his jock in two
years because he thinks flies are
lucky! I want that god damn fish
on the field Super Bowl Sunday!
FIND THE FISH, OR FIND NEW JOBS!
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS ACTION
An upset Podacter and Melissa walk through the hallway.
PODACTER:
Why did it have to happen now? I
got three stinking years left till
retirement.
MELISSA:
I've got forty.
PODACTER:
I'll tell you who did it. It was
those goddamn animal rights nuts!
Always out there with their
goddamn signs, ANIMALS WERE BORN
FREE, STOP TORTURING SNOWFLAKE!
That goddamn fish lives better than
they do!
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