Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Page #3

ADELLE:

Here you go, honey. Now

remember� this kind of fish

doesn't like it in the freezer.

JENNY:

But what's gonna happen to Dolly?

ADELLE:

Don't worry, I'll make sure she

gets a proper burial.

Jennifer exits. Adelle calls to her cat, and tosses it the goldfish.

The cat catches it in mid-air.

ADELLE:

Rest in peace.

Ace enters the pet shop. It looks like he slept in his clothes.

ADELLE:

Well� here comes another dead

fish.

ACE:

Hi, beautiful. What time do you

get off?

ADELLE:

Uh oh.

ACE:

(suggestively)

I've heard some pretty great

things about your kibble.

ADELLE:

Well, I hope I'm not getting a

reputation.

ACE:

(switching to mock anger)

Just get me the food!

She chuckles at Ace as she loads a couple of bags with different kinds

of pet food.

ADELLE:

So� ahh, when can I expect you

to pay your tab?

ACE:

I'm a little bit Sli Pickins,

right now, I'm a little Tight

Squeeze Louise, a little Welfare

Wolly, Potless Pissing Pete, I'm

ah �

ADELLE:

If you were a horse I'd shoot ya'.

Just take it.

ACE:

Gravy! I'm good for it, Adelle.

I'm on a very big case right now.

Ace reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a flyer with a picture

of a white pigeon.

ACE:

See this pigeon? It's a true

albino. Some rich guy lost it.

He's offering a ten thousand

dollar reward.

ADELLE:

Wow, albino pigeons are very

rare. How are you going to find

him?

ACE:

Just keep my eyes open, and hope

to god it doesn't snow.

Ace grabs his bags and heads for the door.

ADELLE:

You're a good boy, Ace. A good

boy.

He holds the door open for an elderly gentleman who is entering at the

same time. The gentleman

is walking a toy poodle on a leash. The poodle is dragging its butt

along the entire length of the

floor. Ace and Adelle just stare.

ELDERLY MAN:

(in a loud voice)

Do you have anything for ringworm?

EXT. SURFSIDE APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY

Ace enters the courtyard of a two story U-shaped apartment complex

carrying his groceries. It's a

crappy joint but he calls it home. Inside an open apartment on the

ground floor, the landlord, MR.

SHICKADANCE, sits watching TV, stuffing his face with cheese doodles.

Ace sneaks past the

door and up the stairs.

EXT. SECOND FLOOR - DAY

Ace is just putting the key in the door when the landlord steps up

behind him. Ace is startled by

the dreaded 'Shickadance Rasp' (not unlike Linda Blair in THE

EXORCIST).

LANDLORD:

Venturaaaaa?

Ace straightens up, but doesn't turn around.

ACE:

Yes, Satan?

Now Ace turns around in mock surprise.

ACE:

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded

like someone else.

Rate this script:4.5 / 4 votes